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Mon 06:01:07 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Tonight's topic is an introduction to loving BDSM. Many of U/us have friends who are at least curious about this Lifestyle and too many base their ideas about the Lifestyle on Fifty Shades of Grey.

Mon 06:02:27 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . While most of U/us here have at least SOME idea of what BDSM is, how do W/we introduce this topic to O/our friends?

Here are some websites that may help.

A Loving Introduction to BDSM

Mon 06:03:08 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . .

A loving introduction to BDSM and the rule book to go with!

This is your introduction to BDSM

Mon 06:58:43 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Entering, seating Myself*

Mon 07:00:16 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . *pads in and sets down, bowing to the hostess*

Mon 07:00:35 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, wolf pup..*warm smiles*

Mon 07:01:52 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . *slipping in to curl up with the little wolf and listen a while...little wave to the room*

Mon 07:02:13 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . Salutations LadyGwynethRose, though please just pup is fine *ws*

Mon 07:02:14 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, fairest one..*warm smiles*

Mon 07:02:28 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Thank you, pup..I appreciate that...

Mon 07:02:50 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . *entering and finding a seat with my energetic tiger*

Mon 07:03:15 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . Good eve pup

Hello there fairest one

Mon 07:03:18 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, M'Lord Zilla..and to Your tiger..*warm smiles*

Mon 07:03:48 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Comes in, takes a seat.*
*Smiles and nods to E/everyone.*

Mon 07:04:47 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *finding my spot upon Zilla's lap...warm smile around to Tthose gathered*

Mon 07:04:50 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . Good evening to You as well Lady Rose *warm smile with a soft tilt of my head.....soft wave to the O/others with a smile*

Mon 07:04:54 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Tonight, the topic is 'introduction to loving BDSM' . Now, as I said, I know that W/we are already involved in the Lifestyle to some extent. However, what about O/our friends or relatives who are asking 'what is it that you do???? Are you weird or something?" How can W/we talk with them about the positive aspects of BDSM?

Mon 07:05:11 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . *snugs with fairest and waves to all entering*

Mon 07:06:13 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to Tenrik, waiting for F/folk to answer..*

Mon 07:07:31 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . listening

Mon 07:07:32 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . it's interesting that You ask such, Lady Rose...i just recently "came out" to some of my family...

Mon 07:08:33 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . My local friends.. well.. some at least are aware of my foray into the lifestyle.. however, the bulk of friends and all of family have no idea what I do or what I enjoy. So I have not had to have that particular conversation.. not sure if that is a positive or negative

Mon 07:08:44 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . I've told a few of vanilla friends over time. It was met pretty well.

Mon 07:10:33 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i mostly just answer questions honestly. i would say 90% of my family knows, a few participate also... and i can't think of any friends who don't know at least bits and pieces. Exploring poly is now something new that's becoming more of a topic that i don't know how to approach, as of yet.

Mon 07:11:03 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding at the answers* I know that most of My family knows what I do...now, mind, they may not agree with it, but..they know.

Mon 07:11:03 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . Mostly I figure I'm private anyhow not something to share.

Mon 07:11:30 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . This is directly from the article "A Loving Introduction to BDSM'

Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, the players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.

Mon 07:11:48 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Do Y/you agree? Disagree? Why or why not?

Mon 07:11:48 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Do Y/you agree? Disagree? Why or why not?

Mon 07:11:58 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . My mom I tried to tell, she blew and I won't bring it up again.

Mon 07:11:59 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Urggh, now I have the hiccups!!!!!

Mon 07:12:25 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . I would agree there, M'Lady... on all counts

Mon 07:13:10 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . I remember how cool I thought it was that Lauraleigh, trying to remember the right name, mom's was fine with it from in here.

Mon 07:13:37 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . Apologies on passing them to you, M'Lady..

In answer to your question, I think because BDSM has a higher necessity of honesty and communication, it also has a more in depth connection and bond that is formed..

Mon 07:14:40 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Warm Smiles back to LadyGwynethRose.* Most are just surprised about My age in the lifestyle. Many think its mainly for younger people. Old people do it??

Mon 07:14:41 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding again* Do Y/you think that having a Mentor, either a Dominant Mentor or a submissive mentor into the lifestyle is a plus or a minus? S/someone to literally show Y/you the ropes?

Mon 07:14:47 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . specifically i "came out" about my BDSM lifestyle to my adult aged daughters. i was very scared...i didn't want to shock or alarm them. i didn't...it was a very positive experience, actually, and i feel i can breathe easier now because i told my daughters. how i told them was my youngest daughter (age 18) started asking me about something she had found on the internet that had peaked her artistic sensibilities...it was a photograph of a model in rope...shibari...and yah...i am a rope bottom and have a rope Top and have for years. so that is where it started. i could go into great detail about what all transpired in that convo *soft laugh* but really...i don't wish to overshare...so yah...the bottom line...the convo came about naturally...and i asked her questions to gauge what she knows of bdsm and shared with her what i do and know...and offered her a place to ask questions...and express her ideas and thoughts about it. i never shared with her the deepest details of it...and answered her questions with accurate information about consent, SSC, and the like. i alsolet her know i can be a source of information for her if she ever wants to talk about it again or has more questions.

Mon 07:15:26 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Grinning at M'Lords Zilla and Tenrik* As Ms. Roseblood will tell You, I am three days older than dirt and yet I still participate in the lifestyle.

Mon 07:15:54 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *catching up*

Mon 07:16:09 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . That had to be an exhilarting experience rebecca..and an enlightening one!

Mon 07:16:20 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . my wife knows of course, even though shes very vanilla... noone in my family... some of my closest friends know a very little. otherwise i only have my community here

Mon 07:17:21 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i think having a Mentor is a necessity. finding One is difficult. there are Those that will offer a Protection over one new in the lifestyle...i have always appreciated that idea.

Mon 07:18:09 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . I've had a few mentors and hearing rebbeca I did don't have kids but I camme out to Chantillys daughter to help explain things.

Mon 07:20:03 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . it was thrilling. *grin to Lady Rose*...telling my oldest daughter was fun too...she already suspected i am kinky and i learned she is too. so again...i offered to her to be a source of information and support if she ever has questions or what not...so that she can hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls i fell into.

Mon 07:20:14 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding again* So let's look at another passage here.."Although bottoms feign subservience, the irony of BDSM is that the sub is in charge. Bottoms can invoke the stop signal and tops vow to obey immediately. Meanwhile, tops act dominant, but they must also be caring and nurturing, taking bottoms to their agreed-upon limit, but never beyond it"

Agree or disagree??

Mon 07:21:43 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . i agree on everything except the "feign" part

Mon 07:21:52 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . I very much agree.

Mon 07:22:09 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . I 100% agree that it is the submissive that holds 90% of the power in a relationship.. It is something that I find humorous to a degree, given how the lifestyle is a reverse structure of control

Mon 07:22:39 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . and i think...that's the trick of it...sharing a little information with the curious...not oversharing...talking definitions...and SSC...and the rest of it...safe words and aftercare and alll that...i think that comes about as the one seeking asks about such...fine line between offering helpful information and scaring people.

Mon 07:22:49 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . It's an even balance, many times doms have not stopped.

Mon 07:23:05 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Nods to Zilla.* And ironic as well.

Mon 07:23:07 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i have my RT who was 'kinky' before me...and He and i have been together for 21 years now. Not 24/7, of course...but, Lifestyle and W/we have a large community with 3 Dungeons and 4 houses within an hour of U/us. i have my VT community, of course...my brother is a submissive and has been with his Domme off and on for around 28 years, i have 2 cousins who are just kind of starting into kink and ask me questions often...i post things on my FB, so it's obvious if ones in my life are paying attention. my friends know and some ask things often....especially if there are events they see me talking about going to or participating in that shows up on my Facebook.
i don't play in public, but i do participate (before Covid) in the local community as much as i can, and my RT is a Rigger and photographer, so He and i do a lot of events and demonstrations together.

Mon 07:23:08 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *listening*

Mon 07:24:11 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . Ohh....and my son is kinky and learning about being a Dominant...but, that depends on the relationship of course because she's very on and off and unsure, so they ask questions too.

Mon 07:24:39 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . I agree,rebecca..it is a fine line that W/we walk, that's for sure. So, let Me ask this part...many people's first 'taste' of BDSM were the Fifty Shades books. Do Y/you feel these books were a good starting point for BDSM conversations or were they grossly overstated?

Mon 07:26:02 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i think the 50 Shades books were just books about unhealthy vanilla people playing with kinky toys and themes.

Mon 07:26:37 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . I would say fiction wise considering it time, the Story of O would be a better recommendation than those.

Mon 07:26:44 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i hated the 50 Shades books and cringe when i hear that's what people are using as a reference. People who know me have asked....more so back when they came out, and especially people i worked with.
i was interested in the Gor books WAY back and read them as an early teen and loved the artwork and everything about kink that i saw or read...i just didn't read the right stuff and didn't know it was a lifestyle back then.

Mon 07:27:07 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . Our generation had story of O which is hardly realistic and Anne rice best writing but nit real so I think the biiks just start it like they did with many.

Mon 07:27:17 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . That book.. and series of movies.. I know that it/they are good as they bring BDSM more into the mainstream consciousness.. however.. they are also absolute trash and did more damage than good I think..

Mon 07:27:20 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i suppose the books could have been a good starting point for some on the conversation about BDSM...but for others...it could have led to some very unsafe/unhealthy ways of practicing BDSM

Mon 07:27:56 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . ugh, no... awful. Not only are they awfully written, they paint a lot of unhealthy abuses as "lifestyle", and suggests people that come from broken backgrounds are what push one into the lifestyle.

Mon 07:28:01 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *smile to Tenrik*

my first introduction to the lifestyle was the Story of O

Mon 07:28:04 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . I so very much agree rebecca.

Mon 07:29:18 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i'm curious...did anyone have the Sleeping Beauty Quartet books as their introduction to BDSM?

Mon 07:29:19 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Smiles to Rosebloods same thoughts and tastes on books.*

Mon 07:29:20 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . My personal favorites were the Beauty's series..but again,they were stories and I knew they were stories and to be taken with a grain of salt.

Mon 07:29:38 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . LOL as rebecca and I say the same thing..*

Mon 07:30:16 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Not My introduction, rebecca..My introduction to BDSM stories was De Sade, an exquisitely long time ago.

Mon 07:30:32 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *grin to Lady Rose*

those were juicy books...but again totally unrealistic...mostly.

Mon 07:31:02 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . Not as my introductioon no but read all except Shades of grey.

Mon 07:31:19 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . *trying to think of my introduction*... Might have been the movie The Secretary..

Mon 07:31:49 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . i tried reading the first one, it was offputting to me as it was pretty straightforwardly smut, on the other hand Kushiel's Dart was a big gateway book for me

Mon 07:32:11 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . De Sade was one of my first introductions too...just after the Story of O, lady Rose.

but it wasn't until i was here in the Castle that i ever learned about "real" BDSM...and it was Ccommunity here that educated me and eventually encouraged me to find BDSM in my rt. in a safe and healthy way. i love this place *said with big eyes and a warm smile*

Mon 07:33:21 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to rebecca..* It was the Castle where I got to actually meet F/folk W/who were into the lifestyle and got to know T/them.

Mon 07:33:30 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . ooooh i have never seen The Secretary, Zilla-Bear...may-be some night Wwe can have a watch party together? *blink blink pleady eyes*

and pupster...i have never read Kusheil's Dart...is it realistic?

Mon 07:33:57 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i love The Secretary *smiles as i just listen*

Mon 07:34:20 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . All right..let's say that Y/you are in a R/relationship with S/someone who is decidedly 'vanilla'...how could Y/you introduce said P/partner into something a little more exotic?

Mon 07:34:30 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . pup, I equated those in the same Harlequin romance department veinmainly.

Mon 07:35:05 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . ooooh good question, Lady Rose! *listening up*

Mon 07:35:36 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . Sectary was good.

Mon 07:35:52 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . That's a hard one because i tried for 14 years and was kink-shamed horribly. Now that i know about it, i imagine that would be different.

Mon 07:36:11 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . Hmm.. That is a good question.. I think I would start with conversation.. seems the safest bet... far safer than doing so in the bedroom without conversation..

Mon 07:37:03 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Listening..for once..*

Mon 07:38:08 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . i opened up to her pretty early about it, and she makes attempts once in while for me but shes not only vanilla but mostly asexual

Mon 07:38:21 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . my current RT and i just sort of got into the conversation....i have no idea how or who started it, and it became something He and i dove into learning about....knowing we were B/both interested.

Mon 07:38:33 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i'm such a talker...not like in here where i am sooooooo quiet *soft laugh*...i would just straight out bring it up...like first date material...seriously...in fact...back when i was dating i did. i don't have the desire to be involved with anyone in my personal romantic/sexual life that isn't kinky.

Mon 07:39:04 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Could watching a movie such as The Secretary T/together be a good starting point for a conversation about BDSM? Could that be a way to bring a 'vanilla' person some ideas?

Mon 07:39:30 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . and yah, Zilla...no one wants to find themselves suddenly in a kink situation without any prior conversations about it!

Mon 07:39:52 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . oooooohhhhh...that is a good idea, Lady Rose.

Mon 07:40:11 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . I think the word you are seeking, rebecca is...wait for it....COMMUNICATION!! *Laughing*

Mon 07:40:47 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . we watched some documentaries

Mon 07:41:16 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . That is a good idea.. and agreed rebecca.. that is an important aspect of a relationship and should not be quelled or sidelined..

Mon 07:41:49 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . Conversations as well as visual aids like a movie could help to see where and maybe how far things lie within and/how far to go.

Mon 07:42:04 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . Arrives... late, but here. ~s~

~sits to listen~

Mon 07:42:10 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *eyes twinkling up heasring Lady Rose*

wait! what? communication?! what a novel idea!

*listening to the pupster*

and how did it go...did it start a communication, pup?

Mon 07:42:46 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Smile and nods to Solsitce.*

Mon 07:43:13 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . All right, W/we A/all know about the props used in the lifestyle (which is what most people think of when they hear BDSM) but what about the idea of using a fantasy as a jumping off point? Maybe write down a fantasy or two to see if anything happens?

Mon 07:43:33 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i liked the movie 9 1/2 weeks too....just kind of fun when i saw it because it was before i was participating, as i said. i don't know that i would use those movies as an introduction, though. i don't know if i'd date someone who wasn't already leaning towards Dominant, though...Domineering is different of course, and now i know the difference. i haven't 'dated' much....and haven't been single much, so i don't really know.

Mon 07:43:41 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to Ms. Solstice*

Mon 07:44:08 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . Also might I add, DO NOT use porn as examples either to them.

Mon 07:44:20 PM EDT Apr 26 Roseblood . . . Sends hellos to Solstice,

Mon 07:44:36 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . ~grins hearing fairest one~

That was my guy's intro. We got into it almost immediately after watching that movie.

Mon 07:44:38 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Wry smile to M'Lord Tenrik* Too true..

Mon 07:44:55 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . There are very good BDSM videos available.

Mon 07:45:00 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . ooooh i like that idea, writing out fantasies...even as a seasoned participant of BDSM...sometimes getting started with a new play Partner is awkward before it's natural...so writing out fantasies can be a starting point. *nod nod*

Mon 07:45:24 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . ~friendly cheery nods and smiles to all in greet~

Mon 07:45:35 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . well we certainly got better about it, and she allowed me to explore it virtually i order to help meet my needs where she couldnt. i have rules and transparency about it with her

Mon 07:45:59 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . *laughs shaking my head hearing Solstice* i hate food play....otherwise, i loved that one.

Mon 07:46:26 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *nodding hearing pup*

and are you open to her asking you questions if she gets curious about it?

Mon 07:47:08 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . Well no, it wasn't the actual mechanics of what they did that ignited us... it was the idea of D and s. That is not to say, the ummm... interactions in the movie didn't have a significant effect, too. ~grin~

Mon 07:47:41 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . I was lucky to have an adventurous guy. ~s~

Mon 07:48:00 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i'm like that watching any movie with ANY power exchange....whether it's true D/s or not, i still love watching it.

Mon 07:48:27 PM EDT Apr 26 the wolf pup . . . absolutely, and we have experimented off and on too

Mon 07:49:19 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . niiiice. *grin to the pup*

Mon 07:49:39 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding* All right...Y/you have friends who have decided they ReALLLLYYYY want to get into BDSM and they go out and buy ALLLLL the toys...what advice would Y/you give them about getting started????

Mon 07:51:34 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i'd tell them to read a book like...

http://www.amazon.com/Submissives-Guide-BDSM-Vol-Relationship-ebook/dp/B01F4C0GR0

Mon 07:51:48 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . So here it is... if you have a partner who is at least adventurous - willing to "try new and wild things", I would suggest what I did... it all felt very natural and "meant to be".

I'm a dominant person, so that is part of what attracted him to me in the first place, so I started with that... doing tiny things, gestures, "suggestions", etc... and one night, watched that movie, and he was like...

"oh wow... you mean...?" Picture a big, burly guy with dread locks down to his waist, with big deer-in-the-headlights eyes staring at you in wonder and excitement. ~grin~

Mon 07:52:27 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i would offer to take them to the local D, here...i've taken a few friends as well as my brother when he lived here. They have 'tasting' nights where there are demonstration tables and local wares for sale....can experiment and have fun with it before knowing what W/we like and don't like.
Otherwise, i don't really know....i'd answer questions first about what they're interested and what they know already.

Mon 07:52:45 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . I would say, first off let Me see what Y/you bought and explain the good/bad about in in not being experienced in them.

Mon 07:53:11 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . also i would tell them what i was told...reach out to the organizers of a local BDSM munch and let them know you plan to attend the next meetup and that you are new to the lifestyle and require an introduction when you attend...and yah...then attend.

also...go to a local dungeon or sex shop and attend classes on the topic.

Mon 07:54:21 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . ~grins hearing the suggestions~ I'm probably the wrong person to give advice on intro to BDSM.

Mon 07:55:22 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . i've only had 2 relationships in RT, Solstice....i don't really feel like i'm a good one to ask about that either **little laugh* i just don't know how to tell O/ones how to meet up or date or get started unless already in a trusting relationship.

Mon 07:56:04 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *nodding* Okay...let's say that these friends who soooo want to get into BDSM that they bought ALLL the toys have never even considered the emotional toll or aftercare...what could Y/you say that would help them to understand?

Mon 07:58:50 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i'd ask them what they know about BDSM...and if they didn't already know i'd tell them about consent, negotiation, aftercare...and necessary it is...likening it to preparing for an event of any kind...you need to set it up...enjoy it...and allow yourself recup time.

Mon 07:59:02 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . ~nods to fairest one~ I've had 3... significant D/s relationships in RT, and a few in VT. Other than that, in RT, just a few dates with "friends with benefits". ~g~

And I'm very casual - not much in the way of "official channels" for me. Research, reading, talking to a few trusted friends... and what I've learned in the Castle over the years, are what I'm based in.

Mon 07:59:58 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . Since there are now a days so many avenues open RT/VT. I would also talk and there is very much more than just the 'kinky sex" aspects and guide them too reputable websites as well as rebeccca said local munches to study and observe. and always ask questions, because the only really dumb question is the one not asked.

Mon 08:00:56 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . *nodding enthusiastically as i hear Tenrik*

Mon 08:01:51 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . Also, I will add, make very sure of which BDSM/D/s side Y/you truly are first as well.

Mon 08:02:39 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Smiles and nods back to rebeccca.*

Mon 08:03:20 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i'd also emphasize how important it is to take your time...finding a Partner...building communication and trust with that Partner....not jumping into the deep end right away...try a lil bit at first...maybe just experience a blindfold first and some light sensory play...scents, sounds, tastes, and touches...with just the blindfold on...i mean depending on their interests of course...see how that goes

Mon 08:04:01 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully at the answers* So, these friends who want to get into BDSM want to do everything at once and right NOW!! How could W/we encourage them...gently..that it takes time and trust??? That they can't really do everything at once?

Mon 08:04:10 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . While there is no truly "right" way to do anything.. there are numerous (a multitude really) ways in which to do BDSM "wrong"... so learn to walk before running.. and to read while walking...and ALWAYS be open to learning

Mon 08:05:07 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . hearing Tenrik speak of finding Oone's role in the lifestyle*

yknow that's a goodpoint...i know in Old Guard..everyone starts out as a bottom...i think there is a lot of sense in that...learning what it feels like to receive before you venture into giving.

Mon 08:05:38 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . *Nods again to rebecca.* Yes, slow is very good in the lifestyle, as is patience communication, and that natural bond and trust.

Mon 08:06:35 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . In the end, it's really all about common sense.

If someone is interested in "kinky sex" and start exploring BDSM through it, and find they're good with just the kinky sex, that's fine.

But it's not just people who are "serious about D/s" who should try to understand the subtleties of this culture. It's helpful, even for the most casual kinkster, to know and ~understand~ the differences.

Keep in mind, having knowledge is not the same as understanding it.

Mon 08:07:45 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Listening to the answers..*

Mon 08:08:58 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . Well, E/everyone, I think W/we have discussed this topic well...if A/anyone has any further thoughts before the discussion closes or if Y/you have any questions to ask Me, please do so...again, I thank Y/you for coming to TimeOut and again I am enlightened by O/other's V/viewpoints..*warm smiles*

Mon 08:09:22 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . i'd tell my very eager friend to savor and enjoy their experience as they enter lifestyle....being new and fresh to it all is a very special place to be...time will come when they understand and alllll the possibilities will be on the table...but go slow...give yourself the gift of discovering and enjoying every step of the journey

Mon 08:09:57 PM EDT Apr 26 Zilla . . . Thank you for hosting M'LadyGwynethRose.. a good topic indeed..

My takeaway, among other more specific topics, is Communication

Mon 08:10:18 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . To be honest, I would never tell a person they "should" start at the bottom. Unless, of course, they are a bottom. ~g~

But I really don't think one needs to "have submitted" to understand how to be dominant. That's an old trope.

Mon 08:10:44 PM EDT Apr 26 *~fairest~one~* . . . Thank You, Lady Rose! *waves...slipping out*

Mon 08:11:24 PM EDT Apr 26 Solstice . . . Thank you, Ms. Rose. A lovely discussion as usual. ~s~ My sincere apologies for my lateness!

Mon 08:11:29 PM EDT Apr 26 rebecca . . . thank nYou Lady Rose! It was very tasty topic and yummy discussion! *big grin*

Mon 08:11:52 PM EDT Apr 26 Tenrik . . . LadyGwynethRose, Again I thank You as well for another great TimeOut evening.*WS*

Mon 08:12:15 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Grins at M'Lord Zilla* Ah, yes, I MAY have heard communication used before...and thank Y/you A/all..

Mon 08:14:02 PM EDT Apr 26 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Waving to A/all and gone for now..*

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