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“TimeOut is a Safe place where dominants and submissives(both m&f) can discuss ‘VT’ and ‘RT’ D/s topics.”
Mon 01:12:49 AM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Topic for tonight:
Aftercare.
What is it? Why should it be done? When should it be done? What kinds of circumstances warrant it, what kinds might not. Can it ever be a thing that isn't done? Is it always necessary?
Discuss at leisure. ~s~
Mon 08:59:02 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . I think aftercare pertains to both the physical and the mental results of BDSM and D/s sessions.
Depending on how hard people play, wounds may need to be tended to, scrapes and scratches, bruises, perhaps even just sore muscles and joints.
Some tops and dominants enlist assistance for some of these attentions, for various reasons. They themselves may be incapacitated and in need of care themselves, or perhaps they might enlist the help of someone more medically trained or knowledgeable.
But in most cases, I think for mental and emotional care, nothing can take the place of a top or dominant caring directly for their bottom or submissive.
Personally, I depending on the type and intensity of the session, I may not feel up to even that, but I generally have put that aside to give my submissive what they need, at least to a degree where I'm satisfied they will not lapse into too deep a drop.
As the dominant partner, I feel I can wait, where in most cases, the submissive can't... or at least, shouldn't.
Mon 09:23:55 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Oh, by the way, the topic for this evening was suggested by BlackLion. ~s~ I hope he is able to contribute his comments.
Mon 10:00:09 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *enters the room*
Mon 10:01:49 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *smiles as i settle in..* evening everyone..
TimeOut links are right there above us if you want to look over the rules of this room.. and there are also links in the castle archives for all past discussions...
the topic suggested by BlackLion has been posted and everyone is free to, and urged to, leave their thoughts here, even if it's just a single standing post and not in conversation... we all want this place to carry on being a neutral, safe place, for us all to learn more about the topics posed and also about each other... *looks around for the Princess..*
Mon 10:02:45 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *big ole grin to ellabella*
Mon 10:02:46 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *changes then grins..* oh there you are.. *bumps shoulders and looks at the words already left behind here..*
Mon 10:03:22 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . so...*seeing the topic posted*...aftercare.
Mon 10:03:24 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Thank you, ella. ~s~
Mon 10:04:22 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . *slips in late8
Mon 10:08:12 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . welcome, pet.
My thoughts on aftercare...I think it's should always be offered by the D-type Person...especially if one has fresh physical wounds that need tending. whether it is accepted or not is up to the s-type person.
there are of course some instances where no physical wounds are needing tending but rather the emotional/psychological wounds need attention...and again...such should always be offered...whether they are accepted is up to the s-type, again.
Mon 10:08:52 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . scratch that...emotional/psychological...needs...not wounds.
Mon 10:09:59 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *smiles to Alexandra..*
Ok aftercare... the physical stuff is important for obvious reasons... i think that side of it is pretty straight forward... in my opinion the aftercare is just as important as the play itself.. and for me, i think any lack of interest in aftercare says a lot about the Dominant...
i'm interested in what was said about the Dominant being irreplaceable when it comes to the emotional side of things... for me that's 100% true.. no amount of comfort from anyone else could come close to that of Daddy after i've had time with Him... and i'm not even the type that is high maintenance with emotional aftercare... i mostly just want time spent, as opposed to cuddles and conversation...
Mon 10:10:38 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . the body will heal...it is the nature of the healthy human state.
psychological/emotional needs however...they are more tricky...in both the immediate time following an interaction...and in some instances even a day...or a few days later.
Mon 10:11:18 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . i dont have alot of experience with this... not really, but i will say that a challenge is that drop doesnt always occur right away, in research i have even learned it can take place days later... i imagine thats very difficult to help with in those cases if it was a one time thing and not part of a long term relation
Mon 10:11:58 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . *nods in agreement with ella
Mon 10:11:59 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *listening to bella*
I agree...how a D-type offers or doesn't offer aftercare speaks volumes about that One's style of Dominance.
Mon 10:12:39 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *smiles to the boy.. listening..* i wonder... should it really be completely left up to the s type when it comes to accepting aftercare? i think there are some instances, where the bottom can become overwhelmed enough not to be able to recognise their need for whatever type of aftercare...
Mon 10:12:44 PM EDT Jun 6 His~shewolf . . . *looks in*
Mon 10:13:21 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . exactly so, ella
Mon 10:14:04 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . If I thought my submissive needed aftercare and set out to provide it, it would not be a good idea for my submissive to refuse it, even if they didn't "feel like it". In a D/s relationship with me, I'm the one who makes those kinds of decisions.
~just tossing that in there in response to Tzigane's comment about "whether they are accepted is up to the s-type"~
Mon 10:14:58 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . welcome, wolf gal.. *smiles then nods to the boy..* that's a good question... what if it's a one time session and the bottom's drop comes days later? what would you do?
Mon 10:16:04 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Depending on the relationship and the dynamic established between the two, whether a dominant offers or performs aftercare is often a reflection of that dynamic, rather than a personal judgement of the dominant themselves.
Mon 10:16:43 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *hearing the pet*
when I have played rt...the Tops I play with always offer immediate aftercare...and then give Me Their personal contact info should I need to reach out...and They check in with Me a day or two later...just to make sure I'm good. The one time I played rt with One that didn't offer Me such...He instead offered Me His girl's info and had her attend to My aftercare...that was appreciated...but it didn't work for Me...I like ella...want the One that I exchanged with to tend to My aftercare and to be available to Me...and I offer the same as a Top, though I think connecting the s-type with other s-types to share info and exchange support with is also very important...so I do that too. and..*looking over to bella*...hasn't Yours done that for you too...connected you with trusty Ffriends to contact if you need and can't immediately reach Him?
Mon 10:18:15 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . allo pretty wolf
*listening and nodding at the responses*
Mon 10:18:52 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . As for delayed reactions, that can indeed happen, and any good top or dominant will keep a keen eye out for that.
However, there are dominants and tops who are inexperienced and may not recognize the signs, so as always, open communication should always be established as the very first step in any kind of interaction, whether within relationships or 'just play'.
Mon 10:20:55 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *hearing Alexandra about reflections...* is there any scenario where it would be acceptable for a Dominant to overlook aftercare? not even enlist someone else to help somehow? i think even if it is a spontaneous one night stand type hook up and the s type says there's no need for it, it's kind of negligent not to make any follow up at all...
Mon 10:21:00 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *warm smile to welcome His she-wolf*
as far as My comment about the s-type being permitted the option to acept or dent aftercare...I said that because I am very...strange...about My personal space...sometimes after I play...I just wanna be left alone...exchange some nicecities...have some water...and then be left alone...because...I am so open...it's too much for Me to have to be touched and talked at...that could send Me into a drop...of course...I communicate that beforehand...before the scene even starts...and it is acceptable to Those I have played with.
Mon 10:24:28 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . i can understand one denying contact sort of aftercare, perhaps that makes more sense?
Mon 10:24:51 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . No, not to 'overlook' it, but there can be instances where the dominant will not do what appears to be 'the obvious'. I know in my experience on both sides, this has happened for several reasons, the primary one being, a sort of transitionary part of a continuation of the session... the session 'proper' may be at an end, but depending, again, on what is established between D and s, a holding off of aftercare could quite possibly be deliberate and part of something else.
I'm merely pointing out that in this lifestyle, sweeping generalizations about what 'should' or 'shouldn't' be done can miss the mark that not every relationship or dynamic works the same way, and we should hesitate to judge people based only on what we perceive.
Mon 10:25:46 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *nodding to the Princess' question...* yes, He has.. and that's something i wanted to mention to... when someone outside of the dynamic is brought in to do the aftercare.. for me, personally, that element automatically becomes outside of my relationship, if that makes sense.. for example, when Daddy tends to me, it feels like an extension of our play... but.. when aisie gave me aftercare on a couple of occasions, yes i was reflecting on my time with Him, but the act itself worked more to adding to my friendship and connection to aisie than anything else...
Mon 10:26:56 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Well, if I were your dominant, I would make it a point to know such things about you, Tzigane. ~s~
My comments were meant in the same spirit as my last post.
But still, if, in spite of knowing you want to be left alone, and I still decide I would attend to you in some way, accepting it would be the best bet for you. ~s~ Because I would definitely have my reasons.
Mon 10:27:28 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *hearing the pet*
yes...physical contact for sure..but also being required to talk after a really intense exchange...it's too much for Me...I prefer to sit quietly in the Ccompany of Oothers...allowing Myself to naturally ground down...too much required communication post play...too much thought...it's...well....too much...I need to settle before I can talk again...but I do enjoy being around Ppeople just not required to directly interact with Tthem.
Mon 10:30:24 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Having said that, my guy had times like that... where he would rather be left to his solitude. And I the same. So it worked out well, all in all. ~s~
There were still times I insisted on attending him, however, whether I myself "felt like it" or not, and even knowing it was a time he wanted his solitude.
Mon 10:30:30 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . *considering Alexandra's views* i can a case happening where a submissive thinks they are fine lost in the aftereffects and doesnt see an issue the Dominatn does, so in that case it would make sense for the Dominant to force the issue... carefully
Mon 10:31:50 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *hearing ellabella*
yes...there one scene in here that i was a bottom in...and the One I was with had aisie attend to My aftercare the next day...and you did too, ellabella...aisie was selected by the One because the One couldn't make it in Herself...but wanted to make sure I was tended to...and I appreciated it...very much...and aisie became an extension of the One for Me...trusted...welcomed into My space because One arranged it...and yah...it extended to Me growing cloaer in friendship with aisie...it was a very good experience....learning that One cared for Me enough to arrange such...and also to discover there are Oothers I can reach out to for support and connection in here.
Mon 10:32:29 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . When someone commits to me, petknight, it is not until after I make sure they know these things about me, and about the kind of relationship I conduct. So it wouldn't be a 'forcing' of anything. It would simply be what it is, accepted.
I don't walk on eggshells around people I'm in a relationship with.
Mon 10:33:07 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . ok, that, i agree with wholeheartedly... *looking to Alexandra..* about the generalisation... the intentions between two can only ever be fully understood by those two... the bigger picture is theirs alone, and not open to the assumption of others.. *nodding..* does anyone here make it a point to tell the Dominant (at the start) or enquire from a submissive (also at the start) about their 'track record' with aftercare? or do we go about every experience without bringing in presumptions from the past? i imagine it would be necessary for you Princess because you need space and privacy.. is it necessary no matter what we know our reactions to be?
Mon 10:35:18 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . i was speaking in generals not Your specifics, Alexandra but i respect the position
Mon 10:35:54 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *listening to Alexandra...thinking*
I understand and appreciate Yoour point of view, Alexandra.
but I just can't agree that I would accept aftercare if I had previously communicated I didn't want it or need it because it could crash Me down...perhaps if it was with One I had a deep D/s connection with...perhaps...but My experiences have been primarily of the Top/bottom flavor...where My preferences are expected and accepted.
Mon 10:38:49 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Well, I was indeed referring to relationships that are more established, Tzigane. ~nods~ I rarely speak of T/b play (outside of an intimate relationship) because I simply have not got that much experience with that... well, none in rt, anyway, except for light 'playful' play with friends.
And I personally tend to view vt issues separately, because vt has different effects, circumstances, and has to be handled differently from rt.
Mon 10:40:54 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . I have never been asked about my "track record" with aftercare, nor have I asked anyone about it in that manner.
Perhaps it has to do with how I enter into relationships. It all comes out in the "getting to know" process. Intense play with me doesn't happen until a lot has been established.
Mon 10:40:58 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *listening to everyone.. quietly thinking Alexandra doesn't walk on eggshells with anyone..*
Princess are there any instances where you've felt differently for whatever reason? where you wanted the opposite of what you usually need after time spent?
Mon 10:42:06 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *hearing ellabella*
in response to your question, ella...yes I think it is important to communicate about aftercare prior to commencement of any scene...whether it be with Oone played with previousy, or no....because Ppeople are not stagnant creatures...they are dynamic beings...and individuals...so what is fine one day in one scene and the aftercare that follows, just peachy...another day with the very same circumstances and Pperson...it can have a completely different effect.
for instance sometimes...I wanna be held and cuddled and cooed over and cleaned up by My Top after an exchange...sometimes...I wanna be left alone to ground solo...just depends on the day...and all that happened before during and after the play session.
Mon 10:42:07 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . ~chuckles~
Mon 10:44:40 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Also, I believe that everyone is different with everyone. How I was with one submissive in one relationship doesn't mean I will be the same in a relationship with another, because each submissive is different, has different needs, and walks a different path within their minds.
Of course basics will remain the same... goals, preferences, etc., but on a personal interaction level, everyone is different.
So how I was with aftercare with one person, may be different with the next person.
Mon 10:46:32 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . i like to think that track records don't need to be communicated at all if two are committed to really learning and knowing each other... but yeah.. *hearing the Princess..* i get it about aftercare being dependent on the day and the play and the person... it would be nice and very telling i think, to examine the differences and where they lead..
Mon 10:47:22 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
I rather enjoy after care. it tends to cement things, if that makes any sense....just sayin'....*s*
Mon 10:47:56 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . good eve Glory
Mon 10:48:22 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
petknight....*s*
Mon 10:49:41 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *smiles to Glory... and nods...* yes! that's exactly what it feels like...
Mon 10:49:59 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *lil laff hearing ella's recent question*
bella..see the post above...*grin*...yes...sometimes I want aftercare...sometimes not...and it has everything to do with Me...My headspace...and little to do with the D-type I interacted with...or what happened in the session.
but I will say this...when i have been in a space where i do not wish for aftercare from the D-type I exchanged with...I do give Myself aftercare...in My rt I travel with My aftercare kit to the D...a blanket, a bottle of ibuprofen, a tube of arnica gel, a bottle of water and gauze and band-aids and neosporin and rubbing alcohol and chocolate.
in vt...I conjure what I need or find it in My rt space...though honestly...aftercare in vt is indeed different than aftercare in rt...vt aftercare requires written communication...and that I usually do a day or two later as an s-type...after I have processed...as a Top...I offer communication aftercare immediately to My bottom....complete with conjured physical items as necessary or required.
Mon 10:50:08 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Sometimes I feel tender and affectionate, sometimes I feel clinical and aloof, sometimes I feel even more beastly. ~chuckles~ It depends on so many elements... the nature of the scene, my mood going into it, his mood going into it,... where the planets are positioned in space....
~chuckle~
Mon 10:51:26 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
*soft laugh as I hear Her*...You said it best, Alexandra...*s*
Mon 10:51:56 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . how does beastly aftercare work?
Mon 10:52:40 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . My guy and I have had extremely intense sessions... physically and emotionally, got up, had a shower, got dressed and went out to dinner or a movie or even for a walk.
There is such a huge gamut of things that 'fit', depending on so many things.
Mon 10:52:45 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
it doesn't 'cause there isn't any...*evil laugh*
Mon 10:53:02 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . More beatings and slashings, petknight.
Mon 10:53:11 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *warm smile to Glory*
yah...when aftercare is offered and accepted...it can be as You stated and as ella stated, Glory...the extension to the play...a way to tie it all up in a pretty bow. *soft smile*
Mon 10:53:43 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
indeed so, Tzigane....*ws*
Mon 10:55:14 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . After care, any type, however it's administered, is most certainly an extension of the session... it's part of the session, in fact.
Mon 10:55:34 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . the mind is such a beautiful and complicated thing... i guess it would naive to think that the needs and wants could be at constant similarity... *listening to the others...* has anyone ever felt the repercussions of a lack of aftercare in any way?
Mon 10:56:07 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Certainly. ~nods to ella~
Mon 10:57:02 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . i cant speak of but my one experience with it... and i have to say, Her being there for me, coming back for me... it meant the world
Mon 10:57:52 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . that'd be awful i think.. *hearing Alexandra..* nod just because of the aftermath itself but i think because there might always be that association in the future.. it could taint a lot...
Mon 10:57:58 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
I have, back when I was new to this and thought....okay, well that was fun and now we're down.......WRONG!....so wrong...but I learned
Mon 10:58:03 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *listening*
as a Top I have yet to experience any face of giving aftercare but one...the same one I wear as a Teacher or Mother....caring, firm, compassionate, about business but tender...I rather like that headspace...I don't think I would enjoy being aloof or beastly as a form of aftercare....just sayin, that's Me...again...no judgements...just sharing My thoughts on it.
Mon 10:58:29 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
down=done....*sighs*
Mon 11:00:42 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Compatibility is no small thing. ~chuckles~
There are some mindsets that would be in hell in a relationship with me, as I would be with them. It just wouldn't happen, or if by some crazy chance it did happen, we'd be miserable and it would die a quick death (hopefully quick).
People have to be compatible in their needs and goals for a relationship. And to be compatible, you have to be accepting and even enamoured of each other's needs and quirks.
There are as many combinations of compatibilities as there are people.
So no one 'formula' is going to work for everyone.
Mon 11:01:31 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . It wasn't always a bad thing, ella. ~s~ Again, it depends in the whys and hows and the relationship of the ones involved.
Mon 11:01:46 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . heres a question what about if one is with Another for a scene aside from thier One? how would aftercare play out then?
Mon 11:02:01 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *grumbkes a bit..* please excuse me a minute..
Mon 11:02:13 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . I experienced a lack of aftercare on more than one occassion...both in vt and in rt...earlier on in My journey...and I found My Ffriends for support and processing...cuz I crashed...and later when I was back in My normal headspace...I circled back around to Those that not provided even the option of aftercare and respectfully informed Them how that didn't work out for Me...that it was a wonderful learning experience for Me about what I need and require, but that it didn't work for Me. that I was ok. but yah...it didn't work for Me. thank goodness for Ffriends! *warm smile*
Mon 11:03:05 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
I'd think, were it you and say, I, petknight....that if you needed aftercare*innocent look* you would accept such from Me....*s*
Mon 11:03:11 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . I'd say your top would have to see to that, petknight.
Mon 11:03:15 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Hearing petknight......if I play the aftercare is always My responsibility......I do not want another to finish what I start....
Mon 11:03:43 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . I don't mean necessarily do it herself, but ensure you have what you need, be it from her, or Glory.
Mon 11:03:50 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *listening to Alexandra*
indeed. chemistry is all important.
*tuning into the pet's question...thinking*
Mon 11:03:51 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . interesting... conflicting answers
though noted, Glory
Mon 11:04:44 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . That is one of the reasons I won't play with anyone owned by another, BlackLion. ~s~ One reason among others.
Welcome, btw. I'm glad you could make it for your topic.
Mon 11:04:52 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
you'd be sure to get it in some form petknight...from One or the Other of Us...*s*
Mon 11:05:18 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
good to see You, BlackLion...*s*
Mon 11:05:51 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . appreciated truly, Glory
Mon 11:06:05 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Thank You Alex......I only got a few minutes before work grabs Me again.....but I have read back and found the discussion very interesting.....
Mon 11:06:26 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
if you're....uncertain?...about after care from another M.male that is, petknight....*s*
Mon 11:06:35 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Hello Glory......s.....
Mon 11:06:47 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . I think...aftercare should be offfered by the One that put one in the space...even if that One is not "THE" One...of course...I also think that one's...special "One"...should be preapared and open to to providing a safe place for the one to return to and process with if wanted or needed. It is what I would offer you, pet *soft smile* but yah...the immediate aftercare should be handled by the One that you had a session with.
Mon 11:07:25 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . . what She said, petknight...*points to Tzigane*...*s*
Mon 11:07:40 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . The full transcript will be posted in the archives by tomorrow evening for you to catch up on, BlackLion. ~s~
It could always continue in the Dungeon at any time, if you or anyone else has comments or questions or any kind of input to add.
Mon 11:08:23 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *warm smile to BlackLion*
Mon 11:08:57 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . If I owned someone, and allowed them to play with another, I would want the decision of aftercare (or anything else, frankly) to be mine. Whether I do, they do it... how... all of that... my decision. It's my submissive, so I make those decisions.
Mon 11:09:32 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Oh I will keep it going once silk is in with Me......for I feel she could have a lot to offers to this subject......because she has even had to help Me a time or two.....
Mon 11:09:58 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
the main thing is to see that you get after care, if needed, petknight....*s*
Mon 11:10:14 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Hello Miss Gypsy......s....
Mon 11:10:25 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . so here's a question..*looking around at All the D-types present tonight*
do D-types need aftercare?
Mon 11:10:28 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Yes, she would, BlackLion. ~nods agreement~ She has some solid experience and a very good head for such things. I too would love to hear her input.
Mon 11:10:35 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *sneaks back in, catching up and smiling to BlackLion..*
Mon 11:10:37 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
yes
Mon 11:10:45 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Agreeing with Glory as I lokk to petknight........
Mon 11:11:00 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
speakin' for Me, at any rate....*s*
Mon 11:11:34 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . so what is aftercare for a D?
Mon 11:11:50 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Yes Miss Gypsy We do.....or I know I do at times.....not all the time but there are times......
Mon 11:11:55 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Yep. Maybe not as much as submissives, but yes. I can administer to myself, both emotionally and physically, but usually have my submissive help in whatever way I allow them to.
Sometimes I like to be pampered. ~s~
Mon 11:12:09 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *lookin to Glory*
so what type of aftercare have You found You want or need?
Mon 11:12:20 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
amen, Alexandra...*s*
Mon 11:12:51 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Aching muscles, a lot. ~soft laugh~ Wielding a belt or a flogger is hard work!
Scratches, bites, cuts... ~grin~
And emotionally as well.
Mon 11:13:37 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
it can be as easy as talkin' softly to Me, or it can be, touchin'....whatever......just to make sure that I am back in the "real" land instead of the head space I went to....
Mon 11:13:39 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . I think that it varies from the scene to how far I let Myself go and so on
......it could be just talking to Me......to something more extreme.....
Mon 11:14:08 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
Mon 11:14:30 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . . *grabs up My dots*
Mon 11:14:39 PM EDT Jun 6 *BlackLion* . . . Sorry A/all time calls.....have a good night....
Mon 11:14:59 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
blessed Night BlackLion....
Mon 11:15:03 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *nodding soft hearing the replies*
I have found as a Top...I need aftercare sometimes too...more so than I have even as a bottom.I have had a minor bump in My personal headspace...concerns that I pushed one too far tooo fast...that I am a Monster. I found writing about in My journal...talking about with My bottom...talking with My Ffriends to be most valuable...it was an emotional/psychological thing...and as with most things in this life...communication was the key.
Mon 11:15:14 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . The most significant way I'm affected after an intense scene, physical or mental or both, is that I don't want to be touched.
When that is the case, just sitting and talking... or even in silent companionship, suits me fine.
Mon 11:15:37 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
*smiles as I hear Tzigane*
Mon 11:15:39 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Take care, BlackLion. Glad you could drop in.
Mon 11:15:41 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . seems to me almost like a magical, secret thing, Dominant aftercare... something private and intimate..
Mon 11:15:53 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . blessed night, BlackLion
Mon 11:16:23 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . . it sure can be little ella....*winks to petknight*
Mon 11:16:37 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
Time calls Me....
Mon 11:16:52 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
*fades back to black*
Mon 11:17:03 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . good to see You and hear You, Glory...be blessed.
Mon 11:17:12 PM EDT Jun 6 Glory Mooncalled . . .
blessed Night, A.all....
Mon 11:17:31 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Interesting. I've heard a couple of tops express similar sentiments. Not necessarily about aftercare, but of the idea of when they care about someone deeply, they find it more difficult to hurt them physically, even when they know that is what is desired. They go through some heavy guilt trips... mostly self-imposed.
Me, I've never felt that. ~g~
Mon 11:18:14 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . Oh, and it's usually men... re: "hitting women".
'Night, Glory.
Mon 11:18:26 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . take care, BlackLion... Glory... *smiles after them..*
Mon 11:19:35 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . be well Glory and BL, and thank YOu
Mon 11:20:35 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . i guess what you're describing, Princess, is similar to the s types that fall into the kind of drop where they feel shameful and dirty and all that ugly stuff... i think it's all about the associations we make in our heads...
i would feel less cared for if Daddy didn't hurt me..
Mon 11:20:46 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . I don't think it's a magical thing...My pet knows Me as well as I know him...so when I feel "off" he gets it...and approaches it...aas I would and do with him. I'm sure it's the same for you and Yours, bella...you are the type that can read Ppeople well...speaking for Myself, just having My bottom acknowledge that I feel "different"...quieter...gives Me a place to get My needs met through communication with him. give and take...that's what D/s is about for Me...knowing Yyour Oone well enough to know it's time to communicate...or back off...and communicate later, even. *laffin*
Mon 11:21:48 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . *nods in agreement with Tzigane, smiling gently*
Mon 11:23:59 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *nodding too...* i agree as well.. it just seems like maybe there's a stigma attached... like it would be uneventful to witness a submissive receiving any kind of aftercare... but a D type.... i feel like that would be a bigger deal to watch... i don't know why...
Mon 11:24:16 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *listening to bella*
yah...that's the thing that brought Me back around...remembering that what I did to Mine...was all SSC...and he wanted it...and so did I...and yah...that it is because of the affection, trust, and connection Wwe share that such play even occurred. *happy smile*
Mon 11:26:05 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . and oh i wanted it... *blushes*
Mon 11:26:41 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *laffin hearin the pet*
Mon 11:27:13 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . well M'dears...I'm off to rt...lovely chat...see Yyou Aall later.
Mon 11:27:52 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . ...that's probably a good topic to try one night... SSC... maybe?
Mon 11:28:14 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . People who tend to play extreme prefer RACK.
Mon 11:28:27 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . SSC is too ambiguous.
Mon 11:29:01 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . nini my Tigress
Mon 11:29:33 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *peeking back in*
perhaps SSC and RACK..the differences and similarities as a topic?
Mon 11:29:38 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . But yeah... that would be good fodder. ~nods~ And perhaps the differences, as well.
Mon 11:29:55 PM EDT Jun 6 Alexandra . . . ~chuckles~ Mmhm.
Mon 11:31:35 PM EDT Jun 6 Tzigane . . . *soft laff*
nini, pet
*and gone*
Mon 11:32:07 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . where you off to ella? staying or going>
Mon 11:34:46 PM EDT Jun 6 little ella . . . *smiles hearing everyone..* yeah.. differences... that's a good topic to go over every once in a while in the Dungeon too..
*looking to the boy..* i'm off for a little bit just to resettle rt and i'll head to the D..
thank you for such an enlightening conversation, everyone..
Mon 11:35:17 PM EDT Jun 6 petknight . . . *nods and will be there too, bows to Alexandra and slips back to the D*
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