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Mon 06:09:26 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Tonight's discussion is about aftercare. Here are a couple of links to start the discussion.
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a33397578/bdsm-aftercare/

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a29341534/sexual-aftercare/

Mon 07:53:38 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . ~stepping into the room and finding a seat~

Mon 07:56:10 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Entering, seating Myself..*

Mon 07:59:06 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . I liked the links this week..I particularly like this "Aftercare is important for dominant partners and submissive partners. While there is a lot of focus on aftercare for submissives, it’s also valuable for dominants to unwind"

Mon 07:59:34 PM EDT Jun 7 Roseblood~*~ . . . I am here but mostly to tired to do more then listen.

Mon 07:59:55 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . ~s~ Good evening Roseblood...

Mon 08:01:09 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, Ms. Roseblood..not a problem...*Warm smiles*

Mon 08:01:38 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . I think that often F/folk forget about 'sub or Dom drop" after a scene...it is a very real phenomenon..

Mon 08:02:30 PM EDT Jun 7 Roseblood~*~ . . . Hellos to both and mostly tries to just read.

Mon 08:04:51 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i'm not sure i have ever felt sub drop.... not after r/t scenes and not after v/t scenes...

Mon 08:05:08 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . I also liked these questions which were asked:

Mon 08:05:14 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Where was the boundary that got hit?
Was something triggered or activated?
If you didn't use a safe word, how did it go for each person?
What was really exciting?
What was safe?
What do we want to keep as part of our repertoire?
What would we want to ditch for the next time?

Mon 08:05:46 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i like those questions as well...

Mon 08:06:38 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i find it difficult during... to say .. oh ya.. keep doing that... to deal with it after would much better suit me.

Mon 08:06:40 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . And of course, E/everyone approaches aftercare differently...for example, S/some want to cuddle or be cuddled whereas S/some want to process the interaction verbally immediately after the scene...both are valid, just different strokes so to speak..

Mon 08:07:44 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . Or even worse... "that's not doing it for me can you try something different?" ~laughing~

Mon 08:07:51 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Do Y/you think that aftercare should be discussed before a scene even begins???

Mon 08:08:17 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Grinning to lady tiffany* I can think of other things to say, but yes, that would definitely kind of turn off the mood...

Mon 08:09:24 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *Enters and takes a seat*

Mon 08:10:24 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *Chuckles quietly as I listen to the lady tiffany*

Mon 08:10:25 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, M'Lord Dark Traveler...so good to see You here...

Mon 08:10:56 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i've never had to... it's just always been given...

Mon 08:11:44 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . As it is always a pleasure to See You LadyGwynethRose *nods respectfully*

Mon 08:13:02 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Here are a few ideas concerning aftercare...do Y/you have others or do Y/you agree with these??

Have a bath
Spend time alone
Drink a cup of tea
Get a good night's sleep
Get wrapped up tight in a blanket
Cuddle with a partner
Take a refreshing walk outside
Watch a movie
Cuddle with pets
Journal
Reflect together

Mon 08:14:25 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i have definitely used my journal for that purpose.

Mon 08:15:03 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . *settles in apologizing for being late*

Mon 08:15:05 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . Aftercare... *thinking* something always required after a scene or play of any kind... good and bad results don't really affect the need for it.

Mon 08:15:36 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding* Journaling is a good way to process all kinds of emotions, lady tiffany...positive and negative...

Mon 08:15:51 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Hello, wolf...not a worry...

Mon 08:16:18 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . *smiles* its a big topic to me so wanted to be here

Mon 08:17:43 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . i think one of the big reasons im so focused on the necesity and importance of aftercare is that it helps to prevent a scene feeling or not being recognized for being abusive. it shows thought and care and gratitude for the time and effort put in

Mon 08:19:05 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully* Earlier I brought up sub and Dom drop...that drop off of adrenaline after the scene is completed...and that Dominants need aftercare as much as the submissives do...do Y/you agree??

Mon 08:20:28 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *Agreeing with the lone wolf*... The Dom/me's preparation for aftercare can have a profound impact on the submissives view of an evening of play... recognizing the thought given to what may or may not happen on the part of the Dom/me.

Mon 08:20:53 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . i think so yes, so that the Dom knows they did not actually harm the sub, because they may have exposed something vulnerable and personal too and need assurance that it was ok

Mon 08:21:09 PM EDT Jun 7 ^chrissa^ . . . *steps in quietly and reads back to catch up*

Mon 08:22:20 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . Good evening chrissa.

Mon 08:22:28 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . * walks in quietly nodding a greeting to A/all in the room not wanting to disturb the conversation and finding a spot to sit*

Mon 08:23:00 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *nods to BLACKLIONVI*

Mon 08:24:00 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, M'Lord BLACKLIONVI and chrissa...I think sometimes that Dominants need that aftercare just as much if not more than a submissive...submissive's needs would be taken care of afterwards of course but it takes a LOT of energy to plan a scene.

Mon 08:25:18 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . The art of submission, when performed with care... is both stressful and in many cases painful... emotionally and physically. the submissives lowers many barriers without some they endanger themselves in ways many Dom/me would miss.

Mon 08:26:37 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *Smiles Darkly as the LadyGwynethRose turns to spotlight on something often overlooked in the Community*

Mon 08:27:21 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding* True, M'Lord Dark Traveler...the submissive is exceptionally vulnerable during a scene. I am however suggesting that it does take an awful lot of energy to do a proper scene, especially if the Dom/me is worth His/Her salt...so to speak...

Mon 08:27:33 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . There are times i use my journal to express something made me feel hurt... or insecure... i find it a great tool.

Mon 08:28:56 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *turning to lady tiffany*... is the Journal timely enough?

Mon 08:29:29 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . It is often overlooked, M'Lord Dark Traveler...I used to use a particular blanket as part of My aftercare for wolf...warm and fuzzy...but after he was back to himself, he always made sure I had what I needed aas well..

Mon 08:30:13 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . I agree that the planning and execution of a scene as well as the opening and lowering the walls and barriers is mentally and physically stressful......but I also feel that the after care should be tailored to the scene and to Te O/ones involved in the scene...

Mon 08:30:39 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i think it is... it gives me time to reflect... to consider my thought and feelings...

You are almost always giving me time after a scene as well... but to be alone with my thoughts and express them is even more effective i think.

Mon 08:31:56 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . What would You want from me Dark Traveler.. that You would consider me giving You aftercare?

Mon 08:32:23 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . O/ours is one of the best environments for true two way sharing LadyGwynethRose. In many instances the Dom/me leaves scene with questions... troubling questions and concerns and aftercare offers a way to see that those questions are answered and perhaps offers the Dom/me a way to decompress.

Mon 08:32:23 PM EDT Jun 7 tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . Quietly enters kneels beside Mistress

Mon 08:32:32 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . *listens*

Mon 08:32:37 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully at the answers...* Excellent points...what do Y/you think of this?

"Some aspects of BDSM trigger responses much like intoxication. The ability of the brain to rationalize or make important or serious decisions may be seriously impaired for a substantial period of time after an event or scene. Scening can and sometimes does summon up long hidden memories, feelings, emotions and traumas that the individual has kept safe behind the barrier wall or mental defense system that during a scene may suddenly no longer exist. We maintain these walls through diverting a portion of our mental energy to them at all times. " Do Y/you think that aftercare is vital after a scene?

Mon 08:33:09 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Ruffling tenderheart's hair*

Mon 08:33:51 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . Something you give seemingly naturally tiffany. Real feedback regarding your experience at My hands... it's a very deep way of sharing your experience.

Mon 08:33:53 PM EDT Jun 7 tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . Lays my head in Mistresses lap

Mon 08:34:34 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . ~smiling~ there is no one else i would rather share it with Master.

Mon 08:34:46 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *watches as tenderheart{GRs alpha} is greeted by the Mistress*

Mon 08:34:51 PM EDT Jun 7 ^chrissa^ . . . sorry, i was just writing an email - which is a journal as well - to express myself too. *blush and smiles*

i think aftercare is extremely important, because i tend to be very vulnerable after a scene.

Mon 08:35:17 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . What does aftercare look like to Y/you???

Mon 08:36:19 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . ... and truthfulness... your being able to communicate where and how you are in the after stages of play.

Mon 08:37:12 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *nodding* I think the word You are seeking, M'Lord Dark Traveler is...wait for it...communication????

Mon 08:38:13 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . *An almost shocked look crosses My face*... Do You think so? *dark smile* What a concept.

Mon 08:38:46 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . ~softly laughing~ yes... communication...

Mon 08:39:04 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . Aftercare can look like many different things from completely cuddling one to one just waiting to lay at ones feet......

Mon 08:39:14 PM EDT Jun 7 tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . Nodding...i always know after a scene when im in fkoaty subspace Mistress always has me take slow deep breaths...drink some cool water...and then when i have settled...thats when i take care of Her..be it something to drink...a foot rub...nibbles...whatever She wishes ...She always makes sure that i feel good after

Mon 08:41:15 PM EDT Jun 7 ^chrissa^ . . . it depends, i'm online only, so aftercare is usually...being told i was pleasing, verbal and physical signs of that. sometimes it's fingers combing through my hair. i love cleaning and worshiping cock after being sexually satisfying as well... *deep sigh* that is so connective and helps to come down. any small form of affection, which can be pets or a smile or nestling underfoot... and then aftercare is almost always me sending Him my gratitude in a long, floaty email where i let it all pour out - the happiness and joy, the insecurity or vulnerability... and the deep gratitude for being allowed to serve and be useful.

Mon 08:41:17 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . The Dominant constantly explores the needs of Their submissives... play is targeted to that end... as None of U/us begins as outstanding communicators in this relationship style mistakes are made... dealing with the unforeseen consequences of these mistakes is where really good aftercare becomes an imparritive.

Mon 08:44:00 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . And, aftercare must not seem rushed.

Mon 08:46:00 PM EDT Jun 7 tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . Looks up at Mistress gently and softly asks...may i have permission to depart early? i am not feeling very well...

Mon 08:46:39 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding again* I agree, M'Lord Dark Traveler...rushing through something is nearly as bad as not doing it at all....

Mon 08:46:54 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Of course, tenderheart dear...go and rest now...

Mon 08:47:03 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . Aftercare should never be rushed....as Dark Traveler has pointed out it strengthens the bonds between Dom/sub with the affection and paise to the sub but also in the communication that it developed

Mon 08:49:01 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . The lady tiffany and I wish you a swift healing tenderheart{GRs alpha}.

Mon 08:50:14 PM EDT Jun 7 tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . Thank You and Your lady M'Lord...smiles

Mon 08:50:52 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . So, again, to bring U/us back to the topic...does A/anyone E/else have anything to add about aftercare and the importance it has after a scene?

Mon 08:51:50 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . I hope you feel better quickly tenderheart{GRs alpha}

Mon 08:52:53 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . i think the form is versatile, as it needs to meet the needs of those involved. i spent some time as an aftercare aid, especially when with vt sometimes time gets away from the participants. i think also that aftercare is the best preventative for bad subdrop and also the best remedy for it

Mon 08:53:01 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . Has A/anyone had a bad experience associated with aftercare?

Mon 08:55:32 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . the lone wolf makes a very good point... physical scene... where pain is the desired experience... emotional and physical can lead to severe subdrop.

Mon 08:55:35 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . only from the lack of it

Mon 08:56:37 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i wonder if there are submissives who prefer not to have it.. such as someone who likes humiliation...

Mon 08:56:50 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding* Agreed...and I had one bad experience with aftercare..which was due to miscommunication...I thought the submissive needed or wanted to be swaddled...believe Me that is the last thing that submissive wanted so again (this was a LONG time ago) I learned to....communicate!

Mon 08:57:09 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . I've visited a number of pay for play clubs... I see a lot of failure to include aftercare in those places.

Mon 08:59:32 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . lady tiffany, humiliation is a very tricky play area... the desire to be humiliated is real... but in the end.... the Dom/me must see that the sub understands that they are valued.

Mon 09:01:28 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . Agrees with Dark Traveler the sub must always know they are valued and cred for....

Mon 09:02:21 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Agreed...a submissive needs to feel cherished and loved afterwards...or at the very least respected..

Mon 09:04:15 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Well, F/folks looks like W/we are coming to the end of TimeOut...are there any other last minute thoughts A/anyone would like to express??

Mon 09:04:20 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . absolutely

Mon 09:04:37 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . And as usual, I am enlightened by O/other's V/viewpoints..*warm smiles*

Mon 09:04:38 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . Just to thank you LadyGwynethRose for your time... ~s~

Mon 09:05:59 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . Your leadership is very much appreciated LadyGwynethRose. This was a particularly good topic.

Mon 09:06:30 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Thank Y/you A/all for coming and participating...*Another warm smile* And thank you, lady tiffany...

Mon 09:06:44 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . I know with Me that aftercare for the sub is the priority after the scene .....My aftercare if it could be called most usually came hours later when I was younger in lifting weights......

Mon 09:06:51 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . Thank You, M'Lord Dark Traveler..I appreciate Your input...

Mon 09:07:42 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . Thank You M’Lady Rose for another interesting topic.....

Mon 09:09:09 PM EDT Jun 7 Dark Traveler . . . BLACKLIONVI... You are missed in the Dungeon. Please accept My invitation to spend more Time in the Dungeon Rooms.

Mon 09:10:30 PM EDT Jun 7 LadyGwynethRose . . . I have appreciated all of the V/views expressed this evening...but I am afraid reality calls Me away...be well E/everyone and I hope to see Y/you next week...*Rising, blowing kisses and gone...*

Mon 09:11:06 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . Thank You Dark Traveler .....My absent is not by design but more by time zones....but I will try harder....*smiles *

Mon 09:14:29 PM EDT Jun 7 BLACKLIONVI . . . *stands and steps out*

Mon 09:15:43 PM EDT Jun 7 the lone wolf . . . thank You Lady Rose