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Mon 06:21:26 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . This week's topic is Mentors, both Dominant and submissive. Here is one link:

https://kinkycuriosity.com/mentors/

Mon 06:22:18 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Here is another:

https://www.submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/looking-for-a-mentor

Mon 06:22:32 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I shall be back later...

Mon 07:51:47 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Returning, seating Myself to wait for O/others to join the discussion.*

Mon 07:57:05 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . entering and bowing in respect to LadyGwynethRose

Mon 07:58:09 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good evening, oliver...*warm smiles* Have you read the links for tonight's discussion?

Mon 07:59:55 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . Yes LadyGwynethRose

Mon 08:00:49 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . What do you think about mentorship? It can be for either Dominants or submissives..how would you mentor another submissive, maybe new to the lifestyle?

Mon 08:02:29 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . The first question i would have to ask myself, and be totally honest with myself, do i feel i am qualified to mentor...that would depend i would suppose on where a submissive is in his or her journey...i feel i would be more comfortable mentoring someone just entering the lifestyle

Mon 08:03:27 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . mentoring is a serious responsibility, it seems to me, LadyGwynethRose

Mon 08:03:40 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to oliver* I have been asked to Mentor before in My capacity as a Dominant and I always ask the Dominant where She/He/They are in Their path...it helps to know with what I shall be working...

Mon 08:04:32 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . i agree LadyGwynthRose.....and once embraked on the mentoring path, it is important to be constant and consistent

Mon 08:04:49 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I liked this quote from the article, "This one is important because I’ve seen many people agree to a mentorship when they did not understand what the expectations truly were. Simply put, a mentor teaches skills, not behaviors. A mentor does not train. They teach and educate. A mentor does not play, sexually or nonsexually, with a mentee. Sexual favors are not exchanged. "

Mon 08:05:07 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . Enters behind Tenrick, reading back to listen.

Mon 08:05:28 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . *Enters with My lilith and finds O/our seats.*
Hello to A/all.

Mon 08:05:47 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . It is a skill set that is learned, such as rope skills, how to train a submissive (in the case of the Dominant) or how to be trained (in the case of the submissive).

Mon 08:05:49 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . precisely...i completely agree with that

Mon 08:06:17 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Gwyneth, I so agree with that very much.

Mon 08:06:20 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to Tenrik and lilith...* So, being a M/mentor isn't a light responsibility...it should be considered very carefully before saying 'yes'..

Mon 08:06:58 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . I think that teachind behaviors is part of it at time, just not sexual ones.

Mon 08:07:32 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Yes, and everything should be layed out right at the start as well in what is to be.

Mon 08:08:08 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . i think there is a distinction between "training" and "mentoring"...a mentor does not "train"...that is up to his or her Dominant

Mon 08:08:28 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I also liked the idea of what a M/mentor should NOT do; for example, "Behaviors that should not be taught by a mentor:–discipline

correction for doing a task incorrectly
correction aimed at changing one’s behavior
–punishment

issuing consequence for incorrectly doing a task wrong, or forgetting/breaking a rule
issuing a consequence for a disliked action.>

Mon 08:08:47 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . And why would this be the case???

Mon 08:10:33 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . because a mentor expalains the lifestyle and is there to answer questions and support the submissive on his or her journey...to train is to be in a position of dominance.....and that is not the role of a mentor....in my opinion

Mon 08:11:08 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Well Gwyneth, for Me personally, that is not what I would be sought out for as a Mentor and I have stated that as well. That is for the Dom/sub to handle. I am here for questions and to only answer as I can.

Mon 08:11:12 PM EDT Jun 21 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . ~slipping quietly into the room~

Mon 08:13:06 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to lady tiffany..* Exactly, Tenrik and oliver...skill sets not behaviors...now, why would S/someone need a M//mentor in the lifestyle?

Mon 08:14:27 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . the most needful would be someone very new to the lifestyle, perhaps someone drawn to submission but not sure what that means or entails

Mon 08:14:58 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Well, S/someone new to the lifestyle, or O/one that just may need good advice about things can be valid reasons to seek out Mentors.

Mon 08:15:01 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . perhaps such a person would be more comfortable talking to another more experienced submsisive, in the role of mentor

Mon 08:15:36 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding again..* What if T/they are participating dangerously in the Lifestyle? Maybe not practicing SSC or RACK????

Mon 08:16:20 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . I believe also that doms can be mentored by other doms. Not just a sub thing.

Mon 08:16:37 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Definetly those for sure Gwyneth.

Mon 08:16:54 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . that is where the Mentor may caution the submissive...but here is the issue for me....if a submissive is serving a Dominant, it is not the place of another submissive to question or interfere.....i think

Mon 08:17:26 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . I so agree lilith. I have sought out Others for My own help with things in the past.

Mon 08:17:30 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . i agree with that lilith....

Mon 08:18:17 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . For me, I'd say Mentor or not, if there is a safety concern it is anyones place to question what is being done no matter who or what they are

Mon 08:19:19 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I agree, lilith...Dominants can benefit from mentoring just as much as submissives..and again, what if T/they are not practicing SSC or RACK??? What if T/they are feeling overwhelmed??

Mon 08:19:39 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . lilith, I believe that to

I spent time as a submissive with One in order to learn. I think a lot of the younger generation could gain from such a thing

Mon 08:20:22 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . I so agree Wuushy, yes, do at least try to say something or even better talk with Monitors about it.

Mon 08:21:04 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully at the answers...* All right...let's say O/one has decided to approach A/another for possible M/mentorship...what questions could be asked to see if the M/mentor is a good fit???

Mon 08:22:15 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . Immediate thought....

If sub/sub or Dom/Dom....then the first question I'd ask would be

"What do you see as -this roles- job in a BDSM relationship?"

Mon 08:23:16 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to Wuushy..* excellent point...how about..are T/their beliefs and values similar to Y/yours?

Mon 08:23:54 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . i would ask...what is it they seek from this journey ?

Mon 08:23:58 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . *nod*

That should be asked as well, definitely

Mon 08:24:18 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . First off, would it be for any sexual desire or favor. Then go on to what the Dom/sub would want from the Mentoring. Say, how to be better at taming a submissive or as a submissive, how to submit to One better. As wel as learning about the myriad of things done or to be done with/to O/one.

Mon 08:24:38 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . is there is possibility that a Mentor's role may not prove to be totally altruistic

Mon 08:25:34 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . Their backgroound in the life style.

Mon 08:25:44 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Very good question oliver.

Mon 08:26:19 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . That, oliver, is or should be anathema to being a M/mentor..again, IMHO a M/mentor shouldn't engage in poor behavior...My opinion only...for example, as I said, I have been asked to Mentor before...now...what if I had said to the Dominant that I was Mentoring, hey, I won't Mentor You unless You pay Me xyz amount of money or You train Your submissive the way I say...etc...etc...etc...

Mon 08:26:49 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Hmm, when things don't pan out as to be expected, I'd say have a very good and long talk about it.

Mon 08:27:57 PM EDT Jun 21 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . How common are mentorships LadyGwynethRose... at clubs and events?

Mon 08:29:41 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . Saire mentored me at my first Black Rose and he;ped a lot/f

Mon 08:29:56 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . lady tiffany

A private event is where I met the Mistress who mentored me, and she still is and will always be the only Dominant I refer to as Master or Mistress

At least in that crowd it was common to see a mentor/mentee relationship as it was very old school

Mon 08:30:07 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Very common, lady tiffany..at least in My experience...different for O/others, I am sure...My point is that a M/mentor should not have to play with Y/you to M/mentor Y/you...T/they should be knowledgable enough to guide Y/you to sources of information OR be able to show Y/you the ropes..so to speak..to aid Y/your personal growth..

Mon 08:30:46 PM EDT Jun 21 the lone wolf . . . *sets down quietly, sorry for being late*

Mon 08:31:44 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *warm smiles to wolf..* So, again, a M/mentor should not have to play with O/one to M/mentor T/them...should, however, be able to either answer questions OR point T/them in the right direction..

Mon 08:32:01 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . i totally agree LadyGwynethRose

Mon 08:32:41 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Hearing Wuushy, a slow smile crosses My face...* So, what does E/everyone E/else think about what I have said?

Mon 08:36:03 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . I agree Gwyneth, I dont think play would be good for Mentoring.

Mon 08:36:36 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . A]I don't think that mentoring has to be the same sex but can be easier if it is.

Mon 08:36:45 PM EDT Jun 21 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i would think it is important not to cross that line... otherwise aren't you just someone trying to dominate another person? That isn't mentoring... it's something else with your own personal interest more at the fore front...

Mon 08:38:26 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to Tenrik* Definitely blurs some lines there..

Mon 08:39:13 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I tend to agree with this quote, "Just the other day I got an email from someone asking me about how they should be a better submissive with their Dominant mentor. They told me that their relationship was sexual in nature and that they were learning so much from their mentor. The submissive was beginning to understand their submission and was learning protocol and mannerisms that the mentor liked. Their mentor was preparing them for finding a Dominant. My immediate response was that they had already found a Dominant."

Mon 08:39:28 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . What do Y/you A/all think of that quote? Does that resonate with Y/you?

Mon 08:40:30 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . ......

I stopped a moment at "that the mentor liked"

How.can you be trained for others if you're Lear ing what the trainer likes?

We're not all the same

*soft laugh*

Mon 08:40:31 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Oh, before I forget...tenderheart wished Me to express his regrets at not being able to attend this evening...he is under a tornado warning and his power is out at his home...he is on battery power on his phone currently..

Mon 08:40:32 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . *L* I agree there, yes Dom/sub relationship for sure.

Mon 08:40:58 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . Damn my tablet and fat fingers.....

Mon 08:41:19 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Exactly, Wuushy...that submissive already HAD a Dominant, just didn't realize it..

Mon 08:41:29 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Please send My best to him then Gwyneth and I can relate.

Mon 08:41:57 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Not a problem Wuushy...and Tenrik, isn't it just?

Mon 08:42:30 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I surely will, Tenrik, I surely will...so, F/folks, what do Y/you think constitutes a good M/mentorship? IF Y/you were asked...would Y/you do it?

Mon 08:43:02 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . i agree ...and that is what complicates a Mentor relationship unless it is clearly defined and understood

Mon 08:43:11 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . He just needs to stay safe tonight.

Mon 08:43:52 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . a healthy Mentor relationship is when mentoring is given with nothing expected in return, other than the good being done to the mentored one

Mon 08:44:22 PM EDT Jun 21 Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i think that it would depend on what the person asking expected?

Mon 08:45:01 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . I don't believe I would mentor if asked no.

I was a teacher at one point and I can't stand that life.

I would of course train my own in my preferences, but never teach.

Though, its different in an RT "Big Brother" relationship if that makes sense. I could and would be a mentor that way

Mon 08:45:39 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Well, over the years I have done it here and in RT. Now having said that, there are some that I didn't do for reasons previously stated here by A/all as well. I think as a mentor, Y/you have to take some time to look deep at what is to be expected/given and ask Y/yourself if Y/you are up for that kind of task at the time.

Mon 08:46:16 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding again* So what I am hearing is...wait for it...W/we should COMMUNICATE O/our ideas completely????

Mon 08:46:39 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . *L:* yes, COMMUNICATE!

Mon 08:46:49 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . Listens to Tenriks wise answer.

Mon 08:46:55 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . And of course realize that M/mentoring is WORK...it isn't a ride on the carousel, it is work...rewarding work, but work just the same..

Mon 08:47:11 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . I can very much relate to Big Brother Wuushy, very much.

Mon 08:48:25 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . I will say, My last RT mentoring took a hell of a lot out of Me with the Dom. I cannot do that kind any more.

Mon 08:49:06 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . often the second half of communication is overlooked...listening....

Mon 08:49:46 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Very good one oliver, yes, listening can be very over looked at times.

Mon 08:49:59 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Agreed, oliver...active listening is important..and exactly, Tenrik...WORK...it's highly rewarding but draining..or it can be..

Mon 08:50:10 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . I'm sorry....what was that oliver?

*trying not to laugh*

Mon 08:51:03 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Very draining Gwyneth, My story didn't end well either with Him unfortunately.

Mon 08:51:53 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . listening

Mon 08:52:23 PM EDT Jun 21 the lone wolf . . . i had a few different trainers in my time, i was gratedul to all of them... oddly, i never felt like in my time i was "submitting" to them persay

Mon 08:52:47 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . I am sorry, Tenrik..sometimes O/our M/mentoring isn't a good fit, even with O/our best intentions...

Mon 08:54:00 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Thank You Gwyneth, no they sure aren't.

Mon 08:54:40 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Anyway...I am afraid that TimeOut is drawing to a close for tonight as I have a rather early day tomorrow...does A/anyone have any last thoughts before W/we go?

Mon 08:55:33 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . Thank You for another lively topic Gwyneth. I always enjoy the Time Outs.

Mon 08:55:40 PM EDT Jun 21 lilith~~~ . . . Thank you as always Lady Rose, hand still touching Tenriks.

Mon 08:56:05 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . thank You LadyGwynethRose

Mon 08:56:08 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . Thank you for running these LadyGwynethRose

Mon 08:56:33 PM EDT Jun 21 oliver`````~`` . . . returning to the Dungeon.......

Mon 08:56:42 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . Oliver, just in case I was trying to make a bad joke and not making fun of you in any way

Mon 08:56:46 PM EDT Jun 21 Tenrik . . . *Holds liliths hand in Mine.*

Mon 08:57:00 PM EDT Jun 21 Wuushy . . . oliver*

Mon 08:57:12 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to A/all* As always, I am enlightened by O/others' V/viewpoints and I appreciate Y/you for coming to TimeOut.

Mon 08:57:47 PM EDT Jun 21 LadyGwynethRose . . . Be well, E/everyone and I hope to see Y/you either through the week or next week at TimeOut..*Rising, waving and gone for now.*

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