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“TimeOut is a Safe place where dominants and submissives (both m&f) can discuss ‘VT’ and ‘RT’ D/s topics.”
Mon 06:01:47 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Rebecca:
BDSM dynamic is a term for the roles consenting people adopt and the way they behave toward each other in the BDSM aspects of any relationship or scene.
https://belasarius.com/2012/09/28/definition-dynamic-in-bdsm/
Mon 07:00:36 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *settling into the room awaiting the arrivals*
Mon 07:00:54 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . *Appearing with a smile, hand in hand with rebecca*
Mon 07:01:50 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Entering, seating Myself and smiling at T/two...*
Mon 07:03:31 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *drawn in on quiet feet, settling with a notebook, pushing chocolate waves behind straight shoulders*
Mon 07:04:24 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding and smiling to chrissa..*
Mon 07:04:36 PM EDT Mar 22
yellowbird . . . *curls up quiet in the darkness in the back to listen*
Mon 07:04:57 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . i'm never sure who is and who isn't going to be able to attend TimeOut...so let's get started!
I had posted at the top of this page the very generic definition of BDSM Dynamic...the idea that a dynamic is the people behave
towards each other in any aspect of a relationship or scene.
i know that there are different kinds of structures to dynamics...
M/s, D/s, DDlg, Handler/pet, S/m...do we want to define these structures?
Mon 07:05:01 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . You find the most awesome links to set the tone for these discussions, lovely
Mon 07:05:26 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *the way people behave
Mon 07:06:33 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . ~slipping in~
Mon 07:06:33 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . are there other structures to dynamics that i didn't mention that Wwe would like to discuss?
Mon 07:06:35 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding and smiling to yellowbird, listening to rebecca..* An excellent question...don't T/those W/who are in the D/s dynamic name T/themselves? And does the dynamic happen all at once or does it take time?
Mon 07:06:52 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding and smiling to lady tiffany*
Mon 07:08:33 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Beyond how people behave, I would say it's more how they interact with each other.
For example, a submissive generally tends to have a different type of behaviour than a dominant person, even towards each other. But
what creates the dynamic is how those two behaviours connect.
Mon 07:10:02 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . good point Lady Rose! i think yes...absolutely yes...that the structure of a dynamic is best determined by those in it...and over time. but is it the Person on the "D" side of the slash that does the determining of the dynamic...the
person on the "s" side of the slash...Bboth? does it even need to be structured so finitely to be a "real" dynamic?
Mon 07:11:10 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . I think that in some aspects the dynamic in general is predefined, ie the the role of Dominant and Submissive (or Master/slave; DDlg; etc) are established.. however.. that the dynamic between two people grows and shifts from unattenuated
bodies to something more congruous over time..
Mon 07:11:36 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Listening to Ms. Alexandra..* Sometimes I think W/we make labels a little too often and W/we forget there are P/people involved.
Mon 07:12:36 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Alexandra*
and an interesting part of this conversation i think, is also the definition of the word "dynamic" all of itself...
adjective
1.(of a process or system) characterized by constant change, activity,
or progress.
"a dynamic economy"
noun
1.a force that stimulates change or progress within a system or process.
"evaluation is part of the basic dynamic of the project"
the word implies that something changes...evolves...grows
over time
Mon 07:13:16 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully at the answers* I believe the Dominant tends to drive the bus BUT the submissive is the engine.
Mon 07:13:23 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *pointing to what Zilla said* that.
Mon 07:13:30 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~nods to Ms Rose~ I don't think 'dynamic' is a label so much as a descriptive term for the nature of the interactions between people, in any type of relationship.
Mon 07:13:37 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Labels are fine for categories of things.. as a way of understanding broader concepts.. but people come in every design possible.. so.. when looking at small group dynamics versus larger group dynamics, labels become less definitive
as a whole
Mon 07:14:56 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . Lady Rose...are You saying that labels can be limiting to BDSM dynamics?
Mon 07:14:58 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Also, besides the general dynamics, what else comes into the mix? What about finances or 'time off' from the D/s when it roams into 'vanilla' territory?
Mon 07:15:14 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . I would like to make a general apology to everyone.. my "L" key and "A" keys are dying on my laptop... I am correcting them, but may miss a few
Mon 07:15:33 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . The dynamic between my housemate and myself is called friendship. The one with my guy several years ago, was a D/s dynamic, etc.
Mon 07:16:12 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . I'm saying that if I call a submissive a 'slut', then that puts a certain label/mindset onto the submissive, whereas if I call them a 'slave', again, a different mindset. Now, can that mindset change? Of course it can
but if I label a submissive a certain way, that submissive tends to act within those boundaries...if I am making any sense here.
Mon 07:16:24 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . and Alexandra...do You think labels (descriptive terms as You say) are necessary? if so, why? if not, whynot?
Mon 07:17:07 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . ohhhh i want to underline all of that LadyGwynethRose *grin*
Mon 07:17:08 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . No worries, Zilla. I think we're all appropriately fluent. ~w~
Mon 07:18:07 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *looking to the quieter ones in the room*
how do you, chrissa or yellowbird (or both) feel about the labeling of dynamics...or the mindset a labeled dynamic can put you in?
Mon 07:18:11 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Chuckling with chrissa..* I am trying to make logical sense here..sometimes My thoughts run ahead but I do try.
Mon 07:19:13 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Would you say how your submissive thinks of themselves plays into it as well, Ms Rose?
That would depend on the person, rebecca. ~s~ To me, the term dynamic is simply a catch-all term for the type of interactions that
most define the relationship, whatever that might be.
Mon 07:20:28 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . You are totally making sense, Lady Rose.
i think labels make a huge difference in a dynamic...shifting me into a mindset...my D can just say one word...and i am down in that space He wants me in...that i want to be in.
Mon 07:20:44 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . LadyGwynethRose.. .I think what you are saying is something to the effect of all squares are rectangles but not al rectangles are squares?
Mon 07:20:55 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Let Me try an example here...when I was sick and oh I WAS sick with digestive issues, tenderheart came over and literally held My head while I was...umm..expelling the contents of My stomach. Now..he also made sure I was
fine, I was warm, etc. ad infinitum...so in that way, I wasn't taking care of him, he was taking care of Me so the dynamic shifted somewhat. BUT in the end, he was taking care of his Mistress, so the dynamic was in place, just in a different way.
By the way, no scenes during that time, but watched a WHOLE lot of Netflix.
Mon 07:21:03 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . labels don’t bother me for the most part, but i do think they are definitely limiting or perhaps have certain stigmas tied to them that may not be appealing. i know a lot of people that identify with a lot of different labels.
i think it can help communicate the basic desires, but also involves more conversation to really understand or know the idiosyncrasies of each dynamic. *smiles*
Mon 07:21:56 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Something like that, M'Lord Zilla, yes...the D/s dynamic, in My opinion only of course, is just that..a dynamic, but dynamics aren't set in stone, they can shift and glide so long as the main dynamic...D/s..is in place.
Mon 07:23:05 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . so chrissa...as i recall you are in a dynamic that is labeled as an M/s dynamic. how you and Yours define that dynamic...and the label for it...how did that come about?
Mon 07:24:25 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~nods listening to Ms Rose~ That's where I think it gets tricky with labelling of different kinds.
I remember many heated discussions with people all trying 'promote' their various labelling systems - so in the situation
you described, you would have been 'vanilla' while you were ill, then back to D/s afterwards.
Which is a little ridiculous to me. ~chuckle~
Mon 07:25:25 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Exactly, Ms. Alexandra, and as I said, in My opinion (again) even D/s dynamics have a hint of vanilla, as it were.
Mon 07:26:31 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . *settle and reads back*
Mon 07:26:41 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . When i think of the word dynamic.. and read over its definition.... the definition of the noun is what strikes me most... noun
a basic or dynamic force, especially one that motivates, affects development
or stability, etc.
Mon 07:26:47 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . and Lady Rose...Your story is right on point...i am the on the "s" side of my rt relationship...when i do for Him...i am in service...even if what looks to someone else like i am being a Sadist, let's say *wink*...and He is being
a masochist *big grin*...i am being a sadist because He is a Masochist...it doesn't make me less on the "s" side...or Him less on the "D"...and this is where labels get muddy in dynamics...to Alexandra's point i think, labels are useful...but ultimately
are also individual and unique to the dynamic they describe.
Mon 07:27:24 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . it just...is. He is Master. He is extremely regimented and holds high expectations... it did take time to sink into it. i remember someone asked me if I was submissive or slave... so i asked Him. *laughing* and it isn’t easy,
but it’s the besssst now that i really know Him and connect with Him. The M/s underlies every single interaction - that i don’t have a say or any power over Him. It’s dreamy. But there’s freedom in that too.
He can also easily tug me into
different headspaces with no effort on His part. *girly smile* but it’s all within that understanding of M/s at the core.
Mon 07:27:52 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *nodding and smiling to wolf pup* But again, in the end, the Dominant, to repeat, drives the bus but the submissive is the engine that helps that bus to go. When tenderheart and when wolf used to hear Me use 'The Voice"
they knew/know what is necessary to do. That is the D/s dynamic as well.
Mon 07:28:27 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . and do dynamics change over time?
Mon 07:28:53 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . and that makes me think of the energy that i feel that passes between U/us when we interact. i have described it at times as tantric like.... or as if our chakras are touched by that energy...
Mon 07:29:11 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing lady tiffany*
what about that definition strikes you most, lady tiffany?
Mon 07:29:30 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *grinning as she answers*
Mon 07:29:39 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . it becomes a dynamic for us in that we each feed off each other... to get that pleasure we both get from it.
Mon 07:30:38 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . and it creates... our bond.... and stability... "stability" is what really caught my attention in the definition...
Mon 07:30:44 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . the flow, the exchange, the palpable energy of a relationship dynamic. *soft nod* i get what you are talking about, lady tiffany.
Mon 07:31:00 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . by very definition, a dynamic would shift and change over time. While it might remain within a set of bounds, it should change in varying degrees..
Mon 07:31:25 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . I believe they do, rebecca...the D/s dynamic is sort of like a marriage..the P/partners change so the dynamic changes but again, the D/s is still in place.
Mon 07:31:29 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Back in a few... rt
Mon 07:32:40 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . so here's a question...a direction to take this conversation in that i think is kinda fascinating...the idea that we don't just have a relationship dynamic (whether with ourselves or with others...or both)...but we also all have
a dynamic of community in the Castle.
Mon 07:33:07 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . *nodding*
Mon 07:33:13 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . Mostly listening but here.
Mon 07:33:36 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Hurry back, Ms. Alexandra..I think so, rebecca..Dominants chat,submissives chat, compare notes so to speak...which speaks to the D/s dynamic in the Castle.
Mon 07:33:53 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Smiling to Ms. Roseblood*
Mon 07:34:28 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . oh absolutely, communal dynamics or as i think of them (to likely noone's surprise) pack dynamics. How a communal group respect, care, and interact with each other.
that has most definitely evolve constantly in my time
here
Mon 07:34:31 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . so how do we practice a dynamic of not just tolerance in the community of different BDSM dynamics...but also acceptance...and support?
Mon 07:35:25 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . how have the "pack" dynamics changed since your time in here, pup?
Mon 07:35:40 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *head tilts* i don’t think about a community dynamic, to be honest... but what would make one? unless we are referring to a dynamic as a “culture” in a way?
Mon 07:38:21 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *wry smile to rebecca* Now there is an excellent question to be sure...again, I think W/we have to have tolerance for T/those W/who choose to be N/named in the dynamic..
Mon 07:39:06 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing chrissa* yes...a cultural dynamic, chrissa...what is the culture in our Castle here?...how does that culture effect the way we inter-relate with one another? what is the community dynamic here? there has been a lot of
talk lately about shifting the dynamic in the Dungeon...how do we do we as individuals (or paired couples) change the current Dungeon culture into a different dynamic?
Mon 07:39:22 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . I Myself am completely guilty of NOT being as tolerant as I should have been..I have learned, and grown from that experience and now can embrace T/those W/who have a different dynamic than Myself.
Mon 07:39:30 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . I think that we would need to .. if only as we ask those from outside of BDSM to do the same..
Mon 07:40:37 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . well, when our last DM was here, there was a more structured format, how all submissives were expected to act (or at least felt like we were to act) was a bit more strict and molded. THe place as whole was a little more high
protocol. Not saying such is better or worse,only what it was. The lines of what was acceptable to explore or act on were clear and diliniated.
On the negative side, certain sorts of activities and style choices could not be discussed let
alone displayed. males were expected to be utterly constrained in their sexuality, females the opposite...
this may not have been the rule, or the intention, but it was the culture.
Mon 07:41:28 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . *nodding to LadyGwenythRose* Agreed. I have grown from who I was when I was first here, and have learned about myself as well as about others.. and in that learning embraced those differences..
Mon 07:41:35 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *quietly listens, thinking and listening to O/others*
Mon 07:41:36 PM EDT Mar 22
-Junkyarddog- . . . Walks in good evening everyone
Mon 07:42:22 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . W/we change it as W/we the community M/members require it to change rebecca.
Mon 07:42:54 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . there are a lot of different BDSM dynamics represented in the Dungeon. but also there is this thing...
Allodoxaphobia the fear of hearing other people’s opinions, a form of social phobia from greek words meaning different
opinion and fear. Sufferers live in constant fear and anxiety of hearing people’s opinions about them, so they place many restrictions upon themselves from talking to anyone, to going out or social media. It is very rare, vs the proportion of people
who don't want to listen or who are negatively impacted yet manage.
does our current community dynamic cause this "Allodoxaphobia" to occur in people...because of an intolerant view on dynamics different from the ones we as individuals enjoy
or experience or understand?
Mon 07:43:30 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . The Dynamic, like the P/people around U/us must be fluid.
Mon 07:44:05 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Dark Traveler, nodding in agreement*
Mon 07:44:17 PM EDT Mar 22
-Junkyarddog- . . . Sitting and listening
Mon 07:44:41 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . oooh i like that, Dark Traveler...that idea that dynamics change and grow and adapt as the people in the dynamic grow and change and adapt.
Mon 07:45:35 PM EDT Mar 22
shimmer . . .
*Quietly entering and sitting off to the side to listen and read back*
Mon 07:45:59 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . *nods* different people, have different needs, whether Dominant or submissive, or something else
Mon 07:46:05 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . E/each of U/us wants to see Growth in O/our community. Growth requires the ability to see, seek and participate in change.
Mon 07:46:27 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding in respect to Dark Traveler* I think sometimes that W/we, especially when W/we are new in the Scene think W/we won't be seen as so Dominant or so submissive so W/we tend to not be as accepting, rebecca.
Mon 07:46:38 PM EDT Mar 22
-Junkyarddog- . . . Good evening shimmer how are you tonight mmm quotes sexy looking as you enter
Mon 07:46:51 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . I like what I see here this evening rebecca *dark smile*
Mon 07:47:17 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to Junkyarddog and shimmer* So, because W/we are new, W/we tend to see black and white without realizing there are many, many shades of gray.
Mon 07:47:46 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *Nods in agreement with My Dark Twin Sister*
Mon 07:47:51 PM EDT Mar 22
-Junkyarddog- . . . If your not tolerant of others and their opinions how can you expect them to be tolerant of yours.?
Mon 07:48:21 PM EDT Mar 22
shimmer . . .
*Looking to Junkyarddog and smiling* Good evening Sir. All is well here as i hope it is with You
Mon 07:48:42 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . That exactly, LadyGwenythRose
Mon 07:48:44 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . That's part of it Junkyarddog.
Mon 07:48:45 PM EDT Mar 22
-Junkyarddog- . . . It is good thanks. Reading back as are you
Mon 07:49:30 PM EDT Mar 22
shimmer . . .
*Smiling warmly to Lady Gwyneth Rose as it is good to see You've returned*
Mon 07:49:57 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Zilla*
so in taking the time....to listen...and question...and observe...You have grown.
the same as You, Lady Rose.
and the same as i...when i first came here...i looked very negatively on M/s relationships.
now, thanks a lot in part to chrissa *warm smile her way* i have a new and deeper understanding of what an M/s relationship can look like and i have moved from just being tolerant (yah that's cool it's her thing) to being accepting (wow that's really
cool!) to supporting it (yes, chrissa...you are beautiful when you honor your Master).
*lil grin*
so yah...i guess my point is is that when we take the time to try to understand a dynamic new or different to us...and get around to not
just tolerating it...but maybe even supporting it...it reduces negativity in our community dynamic...yah?
Mon 07:50:41 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Smiling to My Dark Twin Brother..* Thank You, M'Lord Zilla..being new isn't a sin, so to speak, but I think when W/we are new, W/we tend to be a bit more intolerant...to say, hey, M/my way or the highway and that isn't
conducive to any community, D/s or not.
Mon 07:51:03 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . EXACTLY Junkyarddog! "If you're not tolerant of others and their opinions how can you expect them to be tolerant of yours.?"
Mon 07:51:19 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~returns~
Mon 07:51:57 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Thank you, shimmer..*warm smile* and you are right, rebecca, and it doesn't help the D/s C/community to toss A/anyone out W/who doesn't agree with O/our way of doing things.
Mon 07:52:10 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Also, as this is a very kinematic lifestyle, also in taking time to learn the physicality of a dynamic, and how it is versus how it appears can greatly expand understanding, and therefore tolerance/acceptance/support, etc..
Mon 07:52:17 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . i do too, and i will even risk being a bit vulnerable about it, as this is an issue close to my heart and that involve my own struggles.
Specifically, we had a Timeout about petplay, which as all can guess is a hugs thing
to me and i was so excited to participate and hear what everyone had to say and contribute. i had to mitigate a bit just how much i wanted to say mostly because i wanted to hear All the voices and not just supersaturate my own. Yet i brought up some
of my related knowledge and experiences that DID have D/s involved from the Furry community, and some comments were made that, perhaps not intended to be so, felt quite dismissive. i nearly shut down from the eniter rest of the conversation after
that, had not Dark Traveler and rebecca both been particularly encouraging and supportive.
i'll be honest... i'm fighting to even voice this and not delete the post, but im sending it anyway. understand i speak this not to throw stones or judge,
but so we can recognize that tolerance and acceptance or so fragile and necessary
Mon 07:53:21 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . so here is another facet to the question on dynamics...inspired actually by a topic that shimmer sent in *smile to her*...how can we support our community dynamic when Ppeople are in scene?
Mon 07:53:38 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Absolutely pup
Mon 07:53:46 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . pardon errors... fingers were... shaky and fast
Mon 07:54:55 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Just as I was saying, wolf pup..W/we don't have to walk on eggshells, necessarily, but W/we DO need to express tolerance for O/others' experiences.
Mon 07:55:31 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . slips in from the dungeon...kneels down with a smile next to my lovely Mistress...* good evening Mistress...
Mon 07:55:43 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . *smiles and nods in agreement* Indeed, LadyGwynethRose
Mon 07:56:03 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Is expressing 'dislike' or... being 'not into' something, and why, perceived as intolerant?
I've offended many people over the years by saying why I may not be into something, when in my mind, it's a contribution to general
understanding of perceptions and what may work for some and not others.
Not liking something is not indicative of intolerance.
Mon 07:56:41 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *eyes to pup*
i hear you. i am the same way about my pet play. about being poly. about being pansexual. i don't talk alot about all the facets of who i am g=freely in these walls for fear of judgement. and that is hard.
because part of the draw of this lifestyle is finding a place to be and live and express all the dynamics we feel drawn to....right?
why is it ok to be in...let's say...a D/s dynamic...but being in a DDlg dynamic is...um...not as ok in our
community dynamic? is that insecurity...reality...a combo of both?
Mon 07:57:22 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . wolf pup, you are the perfect example. Not written about in almost all of the BDSM books... and yet, the play that is so close to who you are is perfectly correct and does represent a fairly large element of O/our community.
So many that visit here wall themselves in with preconceived notions of what is and is not acceptable. This is a place to grow what it is Y/you are and know. It's not a place to shut yourself off from new ideas just because they seem strange to you.
Mon 07:57:48 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to tenderheart, ruffling his hair* rebecca, the Rack Room was formed for F/folk to Scene essentially without interruption...in the Dungeon, I would think that F/folk could be respectful..not interrupt the scene..yet
still chat..I mean, that is the way it is in most of the RT Dungeons I have been in...the Scene doesn't get interrupted, but F/folk still comment on the Scene, chat amongst T/themselves, etc.
Mon 07:58:22 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . disagreeing or not liking are certainly not acts of intolerance, Alexandra. But how one express such can be.
example, i dont like masochistic play, but i dont tell others its a waste of time, its not relevant, that
it doesnt work for many if they are safe, sane, and consensual. its just not for me, and thats okay, just as its okay for those who do participate in such
Mon 07:58:33 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . If Y/you bring an open mind Alexandra, not at all. Y/you have the right to hold an opinion. But Y/you can't be dogmatic about that opinion.
Mon 07:59:05 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . smiles at Mistresses ruffle and nods my head at Her comment...agreeing of how that is just plain curtesy i would thik...
Mon 07:59:34 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Alexandra*
i understand Your point too, Alexandra...how we all have likes and dislikes...and why should it be intolerant to express a dislike of a thing that doesn't work for us?
it's an interesting conundrum...both
being accepting of others dynamics...while also being true to ourselves and the dynamics we feel drawn to.
Mon 07:59:37 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . thank You, Dark Traveler *inclines head*
Mon 07:59:52 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . *smiling and listening*
Mon 08:00:25 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . tilts head...i have always gone by the idea that if its not something that i'm into ... its my personal feeling...but its not up to me to decide what is right or wrong...its whatever floats T/their boats ... its
not about me to judge
Mon 08:00:26 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *listening*
Mon 08:00:34 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Shaking My head to Ms. Alexandra..* I don't think expressing a like or dislike is intolerant..what I would think would be intolerant is S/someone E/else saying , hey, WHY are Y/you doing THAT???? THAT is N/no O/one E/else's
business but T/those involved.
Mon 08:00:57 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Well goodness, no, of course not, wolf pup. To dismiss something out of hand with a negative comment IS intolerance, as far as I'm concerned.
But saying "well, I'm not into such and such, or I don't understand such and
such... and here's why..." I think that's constructive.
Also, asking questions about something one doesn't understand can similarly be taken the 'wrong way', other than simply seeking understanding.
Mon 08:01:16 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *whispers to the wolf pup*... I would see O/our space in the Castle grow... I'm looking for all the help I can find. ;-)
Mon 08:01:48 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . i think of when a scene is going on, much like being in a pup on performance night. You are allowed to watch, comment, cheer, ignore, talk reasonably around, and so on.
its uncouth though to interject, interrupt, or intentionally
distract the performers
Mon 08:01:50 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . And again, tenderheart, W/we are back to the D/s dynamic..hopefully T/those W/who are en Scene have already expressed T/their likes, dislikes,etc...at least I should hope so!!
Mon 08:02:31 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . nodding...yes exactly Mistress...*nodding in total agreement*
Mon 08:02:39 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing tenderheart*
there is an old saying i am fond of...
"don't yuck my yum"
i always liked that one...the idea that just cuz what i do in my dynamics might not be for you...that doesn't mean it needs
to be knocked down.
*lil smile*
Mon 08:03:04 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . i would need to have approval from my One, Dark Traveler, but i would be open to finding some ways i could help
Mon 08:03:13 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Do You think so Alexandra? Honest questions, expressed without, obvious malice shouldn't be seen as intolerant... so care needs be taken in how the Question is worded.
Mon 08:03:57 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~nods to Dark Traveler~ It's why I enjoy discussion. It opens the path to understanding, even of things one may not 'like' or even have thought of.
It's not even a conundrum to me, rebecca. ~g~ I will always speak my
mind openly in the pursuit of understanding and sharing of information.
Mon 08:04:32 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . wolf pup, I respect the Mistress you serve and would have you do nothing that She did not agree with or lend Her permission for.
Mon 08:04:55 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . During a scene, I would think it prudent to keep chat quiet so as to not interrupt.. and also polite..
Mon 08:05:06 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . and yes, pup...i love the idea of watching each other, cheering each other on, talking reasonable around the scene all as part of being a part of a community dynamic.
and yes...i forget Lady Rose...that if scene partners
wish to not deal with the community dynamic...there is always the Rack Room. *weg*
Mon 08:05:08 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~nods to Miss Rose witha wry chuckle~
Mon 08:05:13 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . think of the different in saying these two things
"That is not D/s"
"That is not within my practise and understanding of D/s"
Mon 08:05:14 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . As long as there power exchange in it then I think it is part of our culture. If it is "I do this because it turns me on" only then I donn't see is as power exchange but that is me only.
Mon 08:06:05 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . Is judging always bad? Is it helpful to draw lines on what is D/s versus Top/bottom versus just a fetish or occasional kink? Or where it turns to abuse and not BDSM at all?
i think there’s a balance between being overly
accepting and being SSC and being informative. *head tilts, just letting things roll around my head* because what’s the point of all of this if there isn’t at least ~some~ agreement on the definitions or terms that align us?
Mon 08:06:44 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . If I'm offended by something someone has said because I have somehow related it back to myself, then that's usually my cue to look inward to find out why that offended me.
Mon 08:07:04 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Zilla, in the Castle, You can have uninterrupted scenes in the Rack Room. In the principal Dungeon, Some on theme talk is always acceptable during an in room scene. It's always wise to do One's best not to seem to be trying
to interrupt the flow of what is taking place in front of U/us.
Mon 08:07:23 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Oh, there are things that are not D/s, though. ~g~
Mon 08:07:34 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Well put wolf pup...
Mon 08:07:47 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . I very openly say that I tend to have more of narrow view because I look at dynamics from an M/s stand point. But I know most peoople don't even want that.
Mon 08:07:58 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Absolutely Dark Traveler .. *nodding in agreement*
Mon 08:08:08 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Can You give U/us an example Alexandra?
Mon 08:08:14 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . Zilla...You feel that being a quiet spectator when partners are in play is the best way to support community dynamic?
i like to be watched...i like comments from my friends in the room...but i also like it to be kept
to a reasonable level...it's such a fine line to walk.
what do You like Lady Rose...when You are in scene...how do You enjoy the community dynamic to respond to You...or You Dark Traveler?
Mon 08:08:22 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Are we getting all politically correct?
Mon 08:08:49 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Why do we refer to some things as 'vanilla', Dark Traveler?
Mon 08:09:00 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *listening*
Mon 08:09:08 PM EDT Mar 22
yellowbird . . . *pulls blanket tighter round as i take in all the ideas*
Mon 08:09:22 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . When I am en Scene, rebecca, I don't mind if F/folk comment during or even chat during the scene..it doesn't change My focus..if I am looking for quiet, I will head to the Rack Room but in the Dungeon, I honestly don't
mind.
Mon 08:09:44 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *grin to Lady Rose*
Mon 08:09:58 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *loves public scenes with commentary or the D casually interacting with the room while im a little mess*
Mon 08:10:09 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . Part of talk is how well I know those playing also, usually I go to protocols and don't talk when others are playing.
Mon 08:10:54 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . W/we see attempts at BDSM play by people really interested in BDSM but who are inexperienced. Some of what they present in both talk and scene is very... ROMCOM... that usually gets the Vanilla Tag... But in the right hands...
vanilla can be breathtaking.
Mon 08:10:54 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . nodding...when i do a scene with Mistress...i find quite the same...i tend to tune out everyone else and turn my full focus onto what Mistress is doing with /to me ... but that can also merge with the feeling of
subspace
Mon 08:11:24 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~chuckles~
Mon 08:11:54 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Roseblood*
is it protocol to go quiet when others are playing in the Dungeon?
Mon 08:12:04 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *Loves to carry on light interactions with S/wome while reminding Mine that she is not to cum until she has asked permission.
Mon 08:12:39 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . I think that aspects of being a quiet spectator are important.. perhaps making a comment concerning aspects of the scene in terms of appreciation of a particular move or reaction may be welcomed.. while conversely questioning the
reasoning behind a particular move or reaction is counter to the experience.. I think that to support a dynamic, there has to be positive support during. Not like a cheering section, which would be strange (at least to me), but more in a welcoming
group..
I think that constructive criticism has its place as well.. but not during the scene.. same for generally spoken questions about a scene, they should be held until after when it might be possible for the participants to answer..
Mon 08:12:49 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . I feel that if people are scening in the Dungeon, they want the talk to continue around them... even some non-distractive comments and whatnot.
If they didn't want conversation outside the scene, there is the Rack Room.
Mon 08:12:49 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *snickers, wondering if He ever denies it even after lots of begging*
Mon 08:13:44 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . Agreed, or there is privacy... *soft laugh*
Mon 08:14:10 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing tenderheart*
and thats how i feel when i am in my dynamic and we are scening...there is just Uus...but the occasional comment from a community member...i like it...it adds a bit of flavor...to know me and Mine
are seen...supported in Oour dynamic by the community dynamic...
Mon 08:14:17 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . It is difficult to terminate conversation when a scene begins... I don't believe the protocols call for "light switch" like silence. That is reserved for the Rack Room.
Mon 08:14:26 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Exactly, Ms. Alexandra, My thoughts as well.
Mon 08:14:28 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . It is usually rebecca unleess it is somehow related. I made comments last week because of how well I know you and Krymsin, one night I made comments about blood that Black Lione would of found acceptable when it was him and
fairest. Otherwise comments I have been taught interupt with play in any realm.
Mon 08:14:43 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *catches chrissa's eye and smiles with a nod*
Mon 08:15:32 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Alexandra has put Her finger on the button. *dark smile*
Mon 08:15:34 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . ooooh. *big eyes hearing Dark Traveler* so You are utilizing the community dynamic to feed Your personal dynamic when You do that...yes, Dark Traveler?
Mon 08:15:38 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to My Dark Twin* Precisely, My Dark Twin Brother.
Mon 08:15:49 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . nodding...agreed rebecca...i also want to make the best scene that i can with Mistress and also show off Her skills to the gathered as well as my reactions to Her play and show off the best that i can be as Her
sub en scene
Mon 08:16:43 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Absolutely rebecca... imagine the frustration that just this one thing can create in a needy little sub.
Mon 08:17:28 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~slips quietly in~
Mon 08:17:55 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . From the Dungeon Customs & Protocols:
10. Scenes and discussions can, and should, take place at the same time (it adds to the RT atmosphere of the Dungeon). Neither has priority over the other, except during Officially
Scheduled events. For a 'scene only' room, use the Rack Room.
Mon 08:18:30 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . ... and how M/many here have watched the room go quiet when a scene develops real energy between Dom/me and sub... power exchange and bring a room to it''s knees so to speak.
Mon 08:19:19 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to Kiwi* And that is what the Rack Room is for, Ms. Alexandra..to explore the D/s dynamic without interruptions..in the Dungeon, I think exploration of the D/s dynamic can help O/others when T/they see a scene
going on.
Mon 08:19:56 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . Oh, I have seen it many times, My Dark Twin Brother..so many times..I think that is the C/community reacting to the scene.
Mon 08:20:05 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . that's awesome. *grinning to Dark Traveler*
so we can utilize the community dynamic to build up our personal dynamics...through supporting each other by learning and vocalizing our recognitions of each other...regardless
or even because of the dynamics our fellow community members are in.
and then that way...the Castle as a whole becomes a place where all the dynamics imaginable under the sun have a place to grow and be nurtured and flourish? yah?
is
that possible?
Mon 08:20:18 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . nods again agreeing with my Mistress...just like at DOMcons they have pannels etc for learning and socializeing then they have a nightly play party to show off skils and such...
Mon 08:20:29 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . I've been known to feed on the dynamic created by those Observing the scene that I have underway.
Mon 08:20:40 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Exactly, Ms Rose. A whole topical discussion can be going on during a scene. Any kind of discussion and conversation - as long as it is thematic.
Mon 08:21:43 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *Listens and smiles as I listen to tenderheart{GRs alpha}
Mon 08:22:17 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . and yes, Dark Traveler...i have seen the room go silent when a D/s scene goes deep...and there is a palpable change in the room's energy...like every community member in the place is holding their breath waiting to see what happens
next.
that is the power of personal dynamics meeting community dynamics...each adding to the other
Mon 08:23:25 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~listens and ponders back to the last time I attempted a scene here and the interference I saw..~ mayhaps things are different now?
Mon 08:23:28 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *Dark Blue Eyes twinkle as I listen to Rebecca*
Mon 08:24:25 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i like that rebecca... that the level of talk... flow.... with the scene.. but i would never expect it to be completely silent "because" of it...
Mon 08:24:29 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . Much has changed Kiwi... and much is changing... real growth has it's advantages.
Mon 08:24:52 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . I find there is a certain type of 'room involvement' that is appropriate and a type that is not.
I'd rather not be subjected to, or feel pressured into interacting with a dynamic that is happening. I feel that is inappropriate
because my consent was not given beforehand.
Like say, someone walking their submissive on a leash around the room so that they might serve others, or have others they stop in front of do or say something to them.
But I HAVE teased a
submissive in private while they carried on 'normal' conversation in public, but they had to also post their responses, while mine were entirely private. That kind of "community use" doesn't require direct interaction and therefore, to my mind, appropriate.
Mon 08:25:37 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . Kiwi...good to see You...try it...i would be interested to see if the Castle community dynamic is different than it last was for You. *playful eyes dancing* You let Uus know? but seriously...what was it in the community response
to Your scene that was interference?
Mon 08:25:42 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . listens
Mon 08:26:39 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler`s lady tiffany . . . i don't know if it has or has not Kiwi... but i can assure you that as a monitor... i would not be interupting you unless you were breaking a rule. All we all can do when people don't understand that this
is consentual questions you.... is call for a monitor to handle it.. or ignore it and report it to a monitor later.
Mon 08:26:42 PM EDT Mar 22
Dark Traveler . . . *likes the dark side of Alexandra*
Mon 08:27:19 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Kiwi, some of my scenes have been 'privately' labelled 'abusive'. I wish they were more forthcoming. At least you got comments you could see and were out in the open. ~chuckle~
Mon 08:27:29 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully to the answers given*
Mon 08:27:29 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Alexandra*
i like the point You bring up...the idea of appropriate and inappropriate community involvement in a personal dynamic. consent being at the forefront. *nod*
Mon 08:27:32 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . ohhh, see, i like getting a command to interact with Others... even just to approach at a respectable distance, say hello or offer service... and move along if told otherwise.
Mon 08:28:01 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . nods and listens quietly...hearing the word Monitor and remembers Mistresses "Rose Whip" and grins
Mon 08:29:09 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~nods to rebecca~
Mon 08:29:54 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Chuckling* Yes, My Rose Whip, tenderheart..but yes, Ms. Alexandra and chrissa..I BELIEVE I MAY have mentioned communication a time or two..if what is happening between T/two has been agreed upon, then W/we can watch,
even comment but to interfere...something entirely different.
Mon 08:29:56 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . Hello rebecca, I have a strong sadistic side that I very really show, I used to enjoy a takedown scene with one, it got very... brutal but was entirely consensual W/we stopped playing because there was always someone trying to "break
it up" with out checking first whether either party needed or even wanted help
Mon 08:30:01 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . *listening, still here*
Mon 08:30:02 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Yes, you might like it, chrissa, but has the person you're going to approach given their consent for you to do so? ~s~
Mon 08:31:05 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~grins at GwynethRose~
Mon 08:31:11 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . that should be rarely not really
Mon 08:31:17 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Winks to Ms. Alexandra..*
Mon 08:32:31 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . is extending an offer of service itself stepping on toes of consent? *head tilts* if there’s no expectation of taking one up on it, is that wrong? Or for someone to curtsy or use honorifics?
suppose it’s about training,
many times ill be sent to whatever Guest to see if They would enjoy service... and if not, no big deal, just return. but maybe it depends on the vibe in general or if there’s some unspoken command to participate in a way that isn’t desired.
Mon 08:32:41 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~smiles~ hello Alexandra I cannot begin to imagine You being abusive..~weg~
Mon 08:32:45 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . ah yes...i have heard about that type of interference before, Kiwi...the takedown scene being seen as a potential nonconsensual or dangerous scene by others. *soft nod* it seems there is a whole side topic growing here about protocols
and our community spaces...might be an interesting topic for another TimeOut. *lil grin*
Mon 08:34:39 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . im not climbing in their lap or between their legs without consent. *laughing*
Mon 08:34:40 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . chrissa...what type of service are you speaking of? like if Mistress says "tenderheart offer so and so a beverage or something "like that..i do always go and ask if they would like the service of refreshments...
Mon 08:34:47 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . I can't see why a quiet red to either party to ensure all is safe is such a problem. A public query about consent spoils the whole concept of a take down
Mon 08:34:47 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . No, I mean, if your Master, as part of your D/s interaction, tells you to approach whomever, for whatever reason... unless he knows that person well enough that it's implicit, that person otherwise has not consented to you approaching.
If
you simply approach on your own, alone, to offer service, that's a different kind of dynamic.
Mon 08:34:48 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to rebecca..* In the D/s dynamic, tenderheart likes brushes..I won't go into the gory details, but he and I know what is needed and I definitely know when to stop. Again, even though he and I might watch a movie
T/together, etc. he still knows that I am the Dominant in this.
Mon 08:35:04 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing chrissa's question*
that's a good point...if offering service is stepping on consent toes...i suppose it depends on the dynamics that the people involved in the interaction have...
and without knowing all
the deepest details of another person's dynamic...all you can do is...(wait for it)....COMMUNICATE (tah-dah) *grinning to Lady Rose*
Mon 08:35:12 PM EDT Mar 22
Roseblood~*~ . . . Naaybe have it on when shoould shhould not scenea be interupted by others?
Mon 08:35:18 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~laughs hearing Kiwi, and then just squints at him~ Uh huh.
Mon 08:35:48 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . nodding and smileing looking up at Mistress
Mon 08:36:13 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Grins to rebecca..*
Mon 08:36:29 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . It's if you make them part of your interaction with your Master...
Mon 08:36:44 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . i still move closer, but i make it clear in my phrasing that im not impeding personal space. just available and able to be heard easily, asking if i may be of service - whether it’s drinks or whatever.
but it is a different
set up from here, it’s oriented around M/s so maybe it’s closer to Gorean but without the book-specific rules.
Mon 08:37:28 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *listening*
Mon 08:39:09 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . usually im sent by my Master when He is present, yes. but it’s more like “go see if So&So would like anything or to make use of you” - it isn’t anything specific nor is it requiring acceptance. *little shrug* but again,
it’s a different environment and culture than it is here.
Mon 08:39:10 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . interesting indeed
Mon 08:41:03 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~loves being served but I can be fussy about who I allow tyo serve Me~
Mon 08:41:10 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~nods~ Yes, if it's something that's part of the environment, or people who are used to that kind of interacting... fine.
But then again, maybe it's just me. I have a very strong boundary about not being part of someone
else's interactions or dynamic, and worse... being 'pulled' into it.
Mon 08:41:15 PM EDT Mar 22
LadyGwynethRose . . . *Sighing* Unfortunately reality calls Me..this has been an interesting conversation, My F/friends...be well..come, tenderheart..*Rising and exiting on this post..*
Mon 08:41:39 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . That's probably a big part of it for me too, Kiwi. ~nods~
Mon 08:42:01 PM EDT Mar 22
tenderheart{GRs alpha} . . . follows obediently behind Mistress as She and i depart to the ether of RL for the night...farewell to A/all and a fare evening of safety
Mon 08:42:10 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . so here is a question...
is any one dynamic "better" than any other?
Mon 08:42:14 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *smiles to Kiwi* in that case, a simple “I have no use of you, you’re free to return” does the trick nicely and boom, everyone is happy. *slants a grin*
Mon 08:42:18 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Have a good night LadyGwenythRose
Mon 08:43:07 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . For me there is. ~g~
But only 'better' in the sense of how it compares for me. I have no say or investment in other people's choices, unless it's harming someone.
Mon 08:43:42 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hearing Alexandra*
*grinning*
Mon 08:43:51 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . I do not think that any one dynamic prevails over any other.. Granted, that is entirely dependent on the couple or group involved, but there is no "better" option.. there is what suits Yyou and what does not..
Mon 08:44:16 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *nodding hearing Zilla*
Mon 08:44:32 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~chuckles soft~ I would never use those words or dismiss the server in that manner, I simply say no thanks I don't need anything at the moment.
Mon 08:44:32 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *nods hearing Alexandra* i do feel that way too, especially with submissives that “brat” to anyone and everyone for attention... like they are begging for someone to put them in place.
Or a Dom that demands me to obey
no matter what, just because im a submissive. so i definitely understand boundaries and i can see how that example could be looked at as being “pulled into” something already existing. The concept of “sharing” gets weird. *laughing softly*
Mon 08:45:04 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . So chrissa, just so you don't misunderstand me, I have no issue with you asking to serve in whatever way, on your own. In fact, I enjoy that, whether I accept or not.
The issue for me is if it is part of your already
existing interaction with your Master. But obviously, we won't have that issue with you because he doesn't interact with you here. ~s~
Mon 08:45:27 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . dynamics are like kinds of cuisine, simply calling one better or lesser doesnt apply, they are just different, with so many variations and flavors and combinations to appreciate. Some can be so foreign or unique that they require
training your palette, others simply dont appeal. But it is in the variation we can find so much beauty and skill to respect across the board
Mon 08:45:56 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *head tilts to Kiwi with a smile* that’s lovely, Sir!
*nods echoing everyone’s response to the question* there’s “better” for me individually, but not as a whole to the community. *nods lots*
Mon 08:46:06 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *warm smile to wolf pup as i hear him and nod my head*
Mon 08:46:26 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *grin to chrissa hearing her*
Mon 08:47:00 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . i understand, Alexandra *smiles and nods* though i don’t ask to serve much here either, now that i think of it. *laughing*
Mon 08:48:47 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~smiles~ I am not always a sadist chrissa in fact "lovely" is one of the three things I do best
Mon 08:48:51 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~smiles~
Mon 08:48:52 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . i think the same...my dynamics work for me...so they are best for me...they grow...they change...they stay the same for a bit and then change again over time. and what works for me...i don't expect to work for anyone else...cuz
we are all individuals.
and those tolerance and acceptance support pieces thou....really really important when i look at other people's dynamics. *soft nod*
Mon 08:49:08 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~lol~
Ahem
~cough~
Mon 08:49:57 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Well said rebecca
Mon 08:50:15 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *beam to Him*
Mon 08:50:43 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . are You ok there Alex? or did You need a back slapping?
Mon 08:51:07 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . before i officially end my facilitation of tonight's discussion is there anything else anyone wanted to add in to the discussion on dynamics?
Mon 08:51:24 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Here's something I've learned the hard way over the years...
Unless someone comes right out and insults you or comments negatively on whatever...
... don't try to read too much into what is being said. Often, what
is said is exactly what is meant and there's nothing (significant) "between the lines" to look for.
Mon 08:52:00 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . i think the most important is to honestly ask questions. i will try to understand what is fulfilling about the things that don’t have an appeal, or work to find common ground to relate and have a better understanding of both
the person and the lifestyle at large... and that helps so much.
Mon 08:52:09 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . I might need a slapping of something... on someone else. ~blinks at Kiwi~
Mon 08:52:14 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *hears Alexandra*
that is an EXCELLENT point, Alexandra.
Mon 08:52:45 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . Kiwi, You’re going to make me start talking off topic to this now, Sir... *laughing warmly, squirming wanting to talk about Sadism now, but zips her lips and focuses*
Mon 08:53:22 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . i like that, Alexandra, and i think that’s really important.
Mon 08:53:37 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . *warm smile to chrissa*
yah, i see you do that all the time...curiosity...interest...openness to learning about new to you things. it's awesome, chrissa.
Mon 08:54:17 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . i learned a part of that from you, bex *warm bright smile*
Mon 08:54:20 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . ~just chuckles soft~ really Alex?
Mon 08:55:11 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Also, relating everything back to yourself is often counterproductive, especially when you're not the topic. ~g~
Mon 08:55:36 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . Must say this has been fun, been a long time since I have been this... engaged... in things Castle related
Mon 08:56:06 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Always really. ~grin~
Mon 08:56:18 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . im always the topic *preens* just kiddingggg
Mon 08:56:26 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~s~ It's nice to see you take part again, Kiwi.
Mon 08:56:27 PM EDT Mar 22
rebecca . . . awww thanks, chrissa.
ok imma gunna end tonight's official part of the discussion here...it's a little early, but it feels like other topics are brewing...please feel free to hangout and continue discussing ...this just
ends my official facilitation of the Dynamics topic part of the eve.
Mon 08:56:57 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . thanks for always putting together a thoughtful discussion, bex!!
Mon 08:57:15 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . ~laughs~ I'm sure there is always a chrissa-related comment being made somewhere in the Universe at all moments. ~w~
Mon 08:57:29 PM EDT Mar 22
wolf pup . . . thank you all for participating
Mon 08:57:31 PM EDT Mar 22
Zilla . . . Thank you for leading this discussion rebecca *warm smiles*
Mon 08:57:38 PM EDT Mar 22
Kiwi . . . Thank you rebecca, it was very thought provoking
Mon 08:57:50 PM EDT Mar 22
~chrissa~ . . . *laughing with a head shake* god i hope not
Mon 08:57:53 PM EDT Mar 22
Alexandra . . . Thank you, rebecca. ~s~
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