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Mon 06:01:35 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . So tonight's topic is '8 Secrets for Supporting a Stressed Dominant Partner" but these guidelines can be used for submissives as well. These are for virtual and for real time stressors.

Mon 06:02:06 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . https://www.submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/8-secrets-for-supporting-a-stressed-dominant-partner

Mon 06:03:22 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . The article begins, "Stress comes in many forms. Perhaps your partner is having trouble at work. Or maybe he’s caring for his aging parents. Or perhaps there’s tension between your Dominant and an extended family member or close friend. Or maybe your Dominant is sick, suffering from a health problem or concern." Please remember that these can ALL be used for submissives as well as Dominants.

Mon 06:04:13 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . What are Y/your thoughts as to how to help your Dominant or Your submissive when T/they are facing real life problems? How can Y/you help?

Mon 07:01:15 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . *stepping in, using phone, as power is out*

Please forgive slow responses

Mon 07:02:54 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Oh no, M'Lord Zilla, I am so sorry but so glad You could make it!

Mon 07:04:32 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Glad to be here, due to weather, there have been a few tornadoes that have touched down not far from here.. I and my home are fine, but not often I have seen a semi and trailer on top of a bldg

Mon 07:05:09 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Oh no..I shall keep My fingers crossed that You remain safe and secure but I agree..that is an...interesting sight?????

Mon 07:06:29 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Very much interesting

Mon 07:07:39 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Chuckling* Well, since We are the Only Two here at present...what do You think of the topic this evening? Hopefully there will be O/others to chime in, though...

Mon 07:09:14 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . Weather bad here too. Just wanted to say that Tenrik and I have made it this far because we were friends firsy. He commpletely supports when I go crazy with family or when I needed a break on a paranormal hunt last weekend and was texting him during it.

Mon 07:10:21 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . I saw your Collaring to Tenrik, lilith..it was beautiful! And it looks like I will be getting that awful weather later on this evening.

Mon 07:10:35 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . I am very much interested in this topic, and fully agreed that they can be used in reverse with a submissive

Mon 07:11:37 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . I have an example here..right now, My tenderheart is going through some serious life issues in his reality...his mother, of whom he is the primary caregiver, is ill...and last week his father had several mini strokes so now the caretaking is all on him..

Mon 07:12:25 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . *Steps in quietly and nods to the room as I make my way to sit by lilith.*

Mon 07:12:59 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . So right now I am sending him links to public services to help him find assistance, to places where he can get furniture, called a few places Myself to help him out as much as I can (being several hours away) and have texted or spoken with him daily since his father's diagnosis.

Mon 07:13:45 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to M'Lord Tenrik* So, right now in My reality I am helping My submissive as much as I can in his reality...does A/anyone have any thoughts about how W/we can help E/each O/other?

Mon 07:14:33 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . Smiles up as I see he heard mme mentally. I was going to fade out but stays quietly if the wheather lets me.

Mon 07:15:09 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Yes, communication very much helps in that matter. I have been there Myself, and it can feel very lonely at times

Mon 07:18:11 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . *Smile to her.* Yes we do have a good mental connection. And looking back to when exy passed you werr a very good friend when I needed one.

Mon 07:19:25 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully* What are some of the ways W/we can help during crises either for the Dominant or for the submissive? What are some concrete things W/we could do?

Mon 07:22:38 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *appears with a sparkly clean smile fresh from the dentist...settles next to Zilla and reads back to catch up*

Mon 07:23:54 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to rebecca, then quietly listening*

Mon 07:24:45 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . one of the biggest things i have learned is to offer my Dominant a space to talk out what is going on with Him. i also ask my Dominant if He wants to talk and be heard, or if He is talking and wants help problem solving. Cuz those are two very different types of listening for a submissive.

Mon 07:27:59 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding* What about recognizing coping mechanisms? For example, I as a Dominant may just want to say the hell with everything and binge on Netflix for a while..this might be My coping mechanism, although of course E/everyone is different.

Mon 07:28:00 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Agreed on the different kinds of listening. Talking things through vs problem solving are both good and both vastly different

Mon 07:28:11 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . Lady Rose I am not collared but thank you for the commpliment on our actions, It was play with chains.

Mon 07:28:47 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . cuz yah...i have found Dominant Men...at least the Ones i know don't always know how to express Their stress...so by offering my Dominant a space to talk and relax and not have to be...all calm or cool or smart or proper or polite...to just be...human...is a welcome relief for Them. and then once the emotional/intellectual stress is unloaded...then...it leaves space for different stress relieving activities...*eyebrow waggles*...of which i can offer as a service. *coy grin*

Mon 07:29:41 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Oh, My abject apologies, M'Lord Tenrik and lilith..that's what I get for not reading back far enough..

Mon 07:30:12 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . and yah...sometimes just being a good comapanion is enuff too...ordering some delivery food...curling up and binge watching Netflix together...like You said, Lady Rose.

Mon 07:30:17 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . I can relate with You Gwineth. And as a Dominant it can be very much needed to have that downtime.

Mon 07:30:44 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . I agree, M'Lord Zilla..and rebecca, I shall refrain, for a change...*grinning hugely* What about easing the burden for a O/one? How could W/we do that?

Mon 07:31:33 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . I took it as a compliment Lady Rose. We are probably going to be slightly non traditional in most of what we do.

Mon 07:32:07 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . *Smiles.* Its all good Gwyneth.

Mon 07:32:46 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Wry smile* I sometimes get ahead of Myself, M'Lord Tenrik and lilith..again, My apologies.

Mon 07:33:21 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . How about...wait for it....COMMUNICATING?????? *Grinning..* and of course, with that comes....REALLY LISTENING..

Mon 07:34:34 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . I would say, give T/them the chance to have the down time and just talk outside the lifestyle box for a bit to see if that helps ease their mind a bit.

Mon 07:36:02 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . mmmmmi know that...wait for it...wait for it...COMMUNICATION...is important here too. i can ease the burden for One by recognizing that He is worn out/under the weather/stressed out...address it head on...and let Him know there is a space for Him to be human in...that i don't want need or expect Him to be any more than exactly what He is in that moment and He is still my Dominant...i still respect, adore, admire, and enjoy Him. and yah...then...i would throw out ideas like the ones already discussed...talking, Netflix, order in...a nice foot rub...stuff like that....maybe do a lil cleaning up for Him...cuz He likes a clean home and i like doing acts of service like for Him and when He gets stressed He doesn't always handle that stuff.

Mon 07:36:08 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Communication comes in many forms, not just verbalization, but also in physical and emotional listening.

Mon 07:36:35 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *laughing as Lady Rose and i both do the communication thing*

Mon 07:36:44 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good thoughts, M'Lord Tenrik..W/we are A/all human after all...and sometimes W/we A/all need that 'hold on, wait a moment' time for O/ourselves, Dominants and submissives A/alike.

Mon 07:38:01 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Grins to rebecca..* great minds..but yes, W/we have to remember that W/we are human and that sometimes life hits U/us pretty hard..so We as Dominants need to help Our submissives to the best of Our ability, vise versa.

Mon 07:38:16 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . *Nods to A/ll* All good thoughts and do serve both Dominant/submissives. And we are all human beings in the end.

Mon 07:39:07 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . what about here in vt...*eyes to Zilla*...how does a vt sub (like me) assist their vt Dom (like You) when the Dom is blue? what would You like to have happen for You when You are stressed out and in a vt space? *eyes around to Lady Rose and Tenrik too*

Mon 07:39:13 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Okay, so what about this..W/we have helped O/our Dominant/submissisve to the best of O/our ability...what about U/us? Do W/we need to do self care as well?

Mon 07:39:35 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . Just staying next to him listening.

Mon 07:39:43 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Good questions, rebecca..*Waiting for O/others to respond*

Mon 07:40:25 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . And F/folks, please...if I am going too fast or talking too much, please let Me know so I can slow down or scale back.

Mon 07:41:41 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Yes, self care should always be a must as well.

Mon 07:41:41 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . Knowing when health comes first.

Mon 07:42:23 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . You are doing amazing Lady Rose...*bigolegrin*

Mon 07:42:26 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . As My dear grandmama used to say, 'you can't pour out of an empty kettle' which is in fact something I told tenderheart just the other day.

Mon 07:43:37 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Thank you, rebecca, I appreciate that..*grinning* So essentially from what I am hearing, W/we should allow E/each O/other to be human, vt or rt, W/we should COMMUNICATE often and W/we should take care of O/ourselves? Is this right?

Mon 07:43:41 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . For me... knowing you are there.. knowing that you want to help, be it by listening or talking or problem solving.. those are all invaluable. As is... COMMUNICATION on my part to let you know what or why I am off, so that it is not misconstrued.

Mon 07:43:45 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *reaching out and poking the space where Zilla was*
could be He got eaten by the power beasties that are haunting His world today. so yah...what do You want Your vt subs to do for You, Lady Rose, when You are stressed out?

Mon 07:43:52 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Now for VT lilith and I have FB to wind down with and go to to relieve the stresses and just talk normally when needed. I think it good to have a place away so to speak

Mon 07:45:14 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *grinning hugely as He reappears*

hi. i missed You. *listening to Your response...taking out my notebook...jotting down what You say so will remember for later*

Mon 07:45:29 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . agrees with all.

Mon 07:45:59 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . *Smiles*Yes Gwyneth, COMMUNICATION is always a big key in all matters.

Mon 07:46:18 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . What I want for My vt submissives to do for Me when I am stressed out is to just LISTEN, first and foremost, rebecca..let Me rant and rave if necessary and THEN after I am done to speak...or maybe give Me a foot rub...*eyes twinkling* but seriously, listening is the most important thing a vt sub could do for Me if I am going through it.

Mon 07:46:28 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *nodding hearing Tenrik*
yah i have private chambers here in the Castle...part of the membership...and Zilla and i often go there to just...be. it's really nice.

Mon 07:48:21 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Listening, is another form of communicating as well. And much needed as well.

Mon 07:48:31 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . i love that piece Zilla about You taking the ownership of Your feelings and communicating them to Your sub...so that the poor wee subby doesn't feel it's their fault or some failing on their part that You are outta sorts. that's amazing. *soft curl of a smile...eyes shining brightly to Yours*

Mon 07:48:56 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Yes, the Private Room can be so well needed Rebecca.

Mon 07:49:39 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *hearing Lady Rose*
*nodding enthusiastically*
yes! more listening! *grin*

Mon 07:49:43 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . Remembers your room woth a smile.

Mon 07:51:37 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Something that has plagued me in the past, is that when stressed I would shut off the world and sort of let things carry me like a river or tide.. only in the past few years have I begun talking and putting to voice such that plagues

Mon 07:51:40 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . so self-care. that was the other thing You asked about Lady Rose?

Wwe care for Oour dear Oones then how do Wwe care for Oourselves...

*furrowing my brow as i think*

Mon 07:51:51 PM EDT May 3 the wolf pup . . . *steps in quietly and settles down*

Mon 07:52:22 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Laughing* I think listening is an underrated talent, rebecca...but in any case, W/we can see that while W/we are Dominant and submissive, W/we are human beings first...and because W/we are, w/we make mistakes, W/we go through tough times and W/we need that 'timeout' to recuperate.

Mon 07:52:23 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Hello pup.*S*

Mon 07:53:24 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *focusing on zilla as He speaks* i am so glad that i have met You at a time in Your life where You have learned how to share where You are at.

there is an old saying...

sorrow shared is sorrow halved
joy shared is joy doubled

i think it is apt when applied to the topic of this conversation

Mon 07:53:29 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . That which plagues my thoughts on occassions

Mon 07:53:43 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Yes, rebecca, I did...*warm smiles to pup* I wonder, M'Lord Zilla, if that isn't a trait with Dominants in general...We take on too much or the world and then when We get down, We tend to hide and not relate.What does E/everyone E/else think of that?

Mon 07:53:59 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . *Nods* Very well put Gwyneth. Yes, too often W/we are expected to be above and beyond who/what W/we really are.

Mon 07:54:01 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *quickly throwing a capital "Z" up on Zilla's name*
nothing to see here

Mon 07:54:26 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . We can all relate to that rebecca.

Mon 07:55:08 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . false expectations

Mon 07:56:01 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . I agree, I feel as Zilla does at times also. And maybe just Me mals are put to a higher standard and not show weaknesses of any kind

Mon 07:57:09 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding to M'Lords Tenrik and Zilla* It is almost as if We are somehow more than human, which We aren't, but We try to be.

Mon 07:57:56 PM EDT May 3 the wolf pup . . . i talk with just a best friend or two outside of here about most stuff from here, we council, advise, share, and so on.... not in a gossip way, just in a sharing of passions and support way

Mon 07:58:11 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *twinkling a smile o'er to pup*
hi pup! i was just having a thought that i think you can relate to...how when taking care of our Dear Ones...can also be a sort of self-care for ourselves...like *scrunching up my brow as i try to arrange my words to say what i mean*...like my Dominant takes really really good care of me...so when i have the chance to be a source of comfort and help for Them...it...balances things...and i feel...filled. not to say that there is an imbalance prior to being able to care for One when They require it...just that...it makes me feel good inside to be able to help my Dominant.

do you get it pup? how that can be like healing for us?

Mon 07:58:26 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Yes, so very true, I have been berated in the past for wanting to open up. That is the worst thing to feel.

Mon 07:59:46 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . I think that it is incredibly common. The desire to not be a burden on anyone else coupled with the thinking that You need to be there for others.. it creates a void that makes it hard to open to others... but... being emotionally available to your submissive also means keeping yourself open to discussion and communication

Mon 08:01:34 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . I agree Zilla, I have seen great communication between You and rebecca. That is how couples should relate to O/one another.

Mon 08:02:10 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *listening to Zilla's words...thinking hard about them*

yes...it means being...gasp...vulnerable

Mon 08:03:04 PM EDT May 3 the wolf pup . . . oh i understand that completely, bex *smiles* utterly agree

normally They are taking care of us, but to be able to share and carry some of their burden in return... its also a deeper kind of trust yeah?

i oft say how you really know you are submitting when you give not just your best and your sparkle and your wonder, but your weakness and your doubt... so that goes a bit both ways too at times

Mon 08:03:07 PM EDT May 3 lilith~~ . . . So not good onn the vulnerable part.

Mon 08:03:16 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Nodding thoughtfully at the answers* I agree..

Mon 08:06:20 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *dazzling a grin to the pup*
i knew you would get it.

Mon 08:07:46 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Being vulnerable is difficult, and it can be hard to be open .. but.. it is imperative to do so, if for nothing else, to have that inherent trust within a relationship

Mon 08:08:38 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . and yah...*shoulder bumping Zilla's knees from where i sit on the floor at His feet* being Big and Strong and Wise and Kind...is all well and good...but it's also good when You are REAL...so yah...i appreciate You, Sir....appreciate that You share all that with lil ole moi.

Mon 08:09:54 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . *Warm smiles to A/all* Well, I think that with the weather problems that S/some are having, W/we should conclude this TimeOut. As always, I am enlightened by O/other's V/viewpoints. Does A/anyone have anything else to add this evening?

Mon 08:10:22 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . *tipping down to pull you into a deep hug where you sit*
Thank you love

Mon 08:12:05 PM EDT May 3 rebecca . . . *happily smooshed up in my Bear's arms...make a noise like a squeaky toy...then as His hug tapers off a titch*

nothing more to add...just thank You, Lady Rose...it was a great topic and a wonderful facilitation. Thank You for hosting!

Mon 08:13:01 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . I wish to add that these TimeOut sessions feel therapeutic for Me and I thank Y/you all as well for the valuable input as well. And I thank You LadyGwynethRose for the wonderful topics.

Mon 08:13:19 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Thank you LasyGwynethRose for hosting this evening and for this topic

Mon 08:14:36 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . Thank Y/you A/all for a lively discussion...I appreciate Y/you A/all* warm smiles*

Mon 08:15:08 PM EDT May 3 LadyGwynethRose . . . And now, I must go..I believe M'Lord Zilla and lilith are sending Me the weather..be well E/everyone...*Waving and gone*

Mon 08:15:26 PM EDT May 3 Zilla . . . Be safe, tis a doozy

Mon 08:16:55 PM EDT May 3 the wolf pup . . . be well all

Mon 08:18:45 PM EDT May 3 Tenrik . . . Til Later A/all, have a good night and be safe.

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